CITY OF NEW YORK - REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
I'm only gonna edit this out of Cangirls thread if she promises me no dick pictures!
NAME :______________________________
GANG NAME :______________________________

1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit?

3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

4) Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette,and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

5) Raoul got 6 years for murder, He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? **Extra credit question: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?

6) If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet , how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint?

7) Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?

8) Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa with one weeks salary?

9) Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his Magnum,how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked

Sounds like black mail to me

I'm gonna try this on Tera, I hope she hasn't seen this:

A Women went to the Doctors as she is having a few problems down below.

The Dr asks her to get on the bed and spread her legs so he can give her a diagnosis.

To this she jumps up and spreads em, the Dr has a quick look and says "I can see the problem instantly, your aviarys have got to come out", "What" says the women "My aviarys ? don't you mean my ovaries ? "No" says the Dr "there has been a cock or two up there.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine

when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me

something which will make me happy and sad at

the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said,

"Your pecker is bigger than your brother's."

Now this one was just funny...

The Pope decided to take a couple of days off to visit the mountains of
Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along a campground in the
Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the
woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat,
and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling
frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of
a mean 10-foot grizzly bear!

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came
racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest, the
other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat
from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers
finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their
truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back
seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give
you my blessing for your brave actions!" He told them. "I heard there
was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers!" "I personally have
witnessed A Miracle!!"

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was
that funny lookin guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in
direct contact with heaven, angles, even God and has access to all wisdom!"

"Well," one logger said, "he may have access to all that thair wisdom
but he sure don't know nothin' about bear hunting!"

"By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to
Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

This one's best as an audible joke...

What's a shi-tzu?

One with no animals.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now be
>worth $49.00.
>
>
>
>With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
>
>
>
>With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
>
>
>
>If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have
$49.00
>left.
>
>
>
>But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
all
>the beer,
>
>then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would
have
>had $214.00.
>
>
>
>Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily
>and recycle.
>
>It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
>

Laura Bush is inspecting a new wing of a hospital.
She walks into a ward, and sees a man in the first bed wanking like crazy.
"Oh! Why is he doing that?" She asks the Hospital Director.
"This man is suffering from hyper-sperm production, and if he doesn't ejaculate at least seven times a day, he will die." The Director replies.
"I see." Says The First Lady, as she moves swiftly along.
Further down the ward, she notices a man recieving a blowjob from a nurse.
With a puzzled expression, Mrs Bush looks at the Director.
"This man has the same complaint as the first one Ma'am." The Director answers. "Only he has private medical coverage."

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine
when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me
something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your
pecker is bigger than your brother's".
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````


A woman was sleeping in her bed when she awoke to what she thought was the sound of someone crying in her kitchen. She throws on her robe and goes downstairs to find her husband softly weeping into a cup of coffee.

"What's the matter with you?", she asked.

He responded, "Remember that day when your father caught us foolin' around in the barn and he stuck a gun in my face and said I either had to marry you or go to jail for twenty years for statutory rape?"

"Yes", she replied, "I remember it."

"Well today would have been the day I would have gotten out of prison."

That's a meaningful comment!

Yorkshire girls are the best!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties to perform.


Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had
told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the
house.

He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home
to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had
given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking.


He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next
day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the
dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a Yorkshire
girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on
the table every day.


He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had
gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough
to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a
landscaper.

There's nowt like a Yorkshire lass.

A man goes into a burger joint.
He notices a sign above the counter, that reads:-

Todays Specials

Double cheeseburger £1.50
Hand job £5

Looking at the attractive blonde behind the counter, he asks.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

To which she replies in a coy manner. "I am."

"Good." Says he. "Now go wash your f**king hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A New Drink


A woman and her boyfriend are

out having a few drinks. While they're sitting

there having a good time together she starts talking about this

really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the

more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her

boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives

in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings

the drink and puts the following on the bar -- A salt

shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime

juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and

the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the

salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys

and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime

juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please

her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue

salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys smooth,

rich, cool, very pleasant, he thinks. this is ok. Finally, he

picks up the lime juice and drinks it. In one

second the sharp lime taste hits....... At two seconds the

Baileys curdles....... At three seconds the salty curdled

bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but

being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his

girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes

it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus,

What do you call that drink???" She smiles

widely at him and says,

" Blow Job Revenge!

An old southern country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whiskey and a Playboy magazine.



"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasing' bum." The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.



Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold. "Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"



Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it guys...

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch.
Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home. She
puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
there already.

After a little while the little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear Anything
let alone from a little boy says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$100"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football jersey."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "OK How much this
time?"
Boy - "$500"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your jersey and your
football, let's go outside and have a game of football.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and jersey."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"To a friend of mine for a $600."
The father says, "That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your
friend like that".
"That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess your terrible sin."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here".
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little pr1ck, you're
in my F##!!..ing cupboard now"!!

Good one.

T HREE COWBOYS ARE SITTING AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OUT ON THE LONESOME PRAIRIE;
EACH WITH THE BRAVADO FOR WHICH HE IS FAMOUS. 'TIS A NIGHT OF TALL TALES.

THE GUY FROM MONTANASAYS, "I MUST BE THE STRONGEST, MEANEST, TOUGHEST COWBOY
THERE IS. WHY, JUST THE OTHER DAY, A BULL GOT LOOSE IN THE CORRAL. IT HAD
GORED SIX MEN BEFORE I WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND BY THE HORNS WITH MY BARE
HANDS AND CASTRATED THAT SUCKER WITH MY TEETH."

THE GUY FROM COLORADO COULDN'T STAND TO BE BESTED. "THAT'S NOTHING. I WAS
WALKING DOWN THE TRAIL YESTERDAY AND A FIFTEEN FOOT DIAMONDBACK RATTLER SLID
OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK AND MADE A MOVE FOR ME. I GRABBED THAT BASTARD WITH
MY BARE HANDS, BIT IT'S HEAD OFF AND SUCKED THE POISON DOWN IN ONE GULP AND
I'M STILL HERE TODAY."

THE COWBOY FROM TEXAS REMAINED SILENT, SLOWLY STIRRING THE CAMPFIRE COALS
WITH HIS PECKER

Ok so i great a great joke: ddd35

I WIN!

I put it up with you in mind !

The Forbes Fictional 15
#2 Burns, C. Montgomery



Courtesy of Fox
Net Worth: $16.8 billion
Source: Energy
Age: 104
Marital Status: Single, one bastard child
Hometown: Springfield, U.S.A.
Education: Yale University, B.S.

Long-time owner and operator of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant saw his fortune double after announcing "technology exchange" with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Outsourced plant operations to India; returned jobs to U.S. after offshore staff demanded coffee breaks. Plans to create Springfield media monopoly thwarted by competition from 8-year-old girl. Burns' health continues to degrade; constructed children's hospitals for use as organ banks, must undergo weekly operation merely to stay alive. Succession uncertain; years of working in a nuclear plant have left him "as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner." Collector of priceless historical artifacts, including only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, first draft of U.S. Constitution with the word "suckers" in it. Dismisses philanthropy, hoards wealth. Says Burns: "One dollar for eternal happiness? I'd be happier with the dollar." Member since 1989.

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death .

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune,and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in thedesert, don'forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
“Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...........

Ees.....

Ees….

Ees.....

Ees.....

Ees, a Ham Bush"

oooooooooo

How do you get a lady to give you Head and whistle at the same time?

Ask her to remove her Glasseye

sooooo wrong...but soooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!

Yodeling

Have you
ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland ...

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to stay
for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried.
"We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"

I've got to send that to a couple of friends of mine!!!!

What do you call a person with no Arms or Legs?
A Veteran

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't
take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?


Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (scroll down)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?


You're not very good at this, are you? < B>


Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT
use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another
1000 . Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10 What is the total?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.


If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely
not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... M aybe.


Fourth Question:

Mary's father has! five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What
is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!


Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating
the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses;
how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.

So how'd ya do?!?!?! not as smart as you thought you were...huh?

Take 60 seconds to do this, it's too funny not to. Who knew google was that dumb?...

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23


Have a nice swim!

That is funny...

Actually, it's the exact right answer for the question asked. You can't drive to London from New York. Obviously. So when someone requests DRIVING directions, what else should they expect?

I thought the same thing , its really not a joke at all its FAct .

So were you the Daughter or the old lady ?

what do a rattlesnake and soft penis have in common ?





you cant fuck with either one ...

What gets longer when pulled and works better when jerked ?






A seat belt ..

IT SEAMS George Bush has the same problem as his father.

he never knows when to pull out .

what is something a wife can say to her husband that will make him happy and sad at the same time ?



Your cock is bigger then your brothers ..

This one has always been a favourite of mine:

A kid is sitting on the edge of a curb tossing up a tube of battery acid, there is a church nearby and a priest walks out and over to the kid and asks: "What you doin there?"

The kid replied, "Oh, just tossing a tube of battery acid"

The priest looks stunned and says, "well you know you shouldn't be playing with battery acid, it's dangerous"

So the priest reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ball of holy water. The preist then says, "i'll trade you this holy water for your battery acid"

The kid goes, "well, what is holy water?"

The preist replies, "well, it's magic"

"What kind of magic does it do?" replied the kid.

"well," the priest said, "I rubbed this on a pregnant woman and she passed a baby"

The kid stands up and goes, "oh yea, i rubbed this on a cat's ass and it passed a camaro"

Billy
First-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of students. The teacher asked Billy, “what is your problem?”

Billy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Billy to the principal’s office. While Billy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the Billy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Billy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Billy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Billy.: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Billy can go to the third-grade.” Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The principal and Billy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Billy, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Billy: “Pockets.”
Ms Neelam: “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
Billy: “Coconut.”
Ms Neelam: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Billy: “Bubblegum.”
Ms Neelam: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Billy: “Shake hands.”
Ms Neelam: “Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?”
Billy: “Yep.”
Ms Neelam: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.”
Billy: “Tent.”
Ms Neelam: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Billy: “Wedding Ring.”
Ms Neelam: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Billy: “Nose.”
Ms Neelam: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Billy: “Arrow.”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?”
Billy: “Firetruck.”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u don’t get it you have to use your hand.”
Billy: “Fork.”
Ms Neelam: “What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than
on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?”
Billy: “Surname.”
Ms Neelam: “What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?”
Billy: “Heart.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Billy to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”

The boss had to fire somebody, so he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were
both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire
the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all
night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached
her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you
or Jack off."

"Could you jack off" she says. "I feel like shit today."

Guy picks up the phone and it's his doctor who says i've got bad news and worse news....the guy is like oh, what's the bad news....the dr replies, you have 24 hours to live...the guy gets all tense and says well if that's the bad news what's the worse news...the dr says i forgot to call you yesterday.

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Captain is leading his pirate ship through the open sees, and the crewmen up in the crow's nest yells "ONE ENEMY SHIP STRAIGHT AHEAD", the captain hears this and calls to his first mate and asks him to bring him his red shirt...the first mate looks at the captain weird at first but then goes and gets his shirt the battle then ensues and they end up winning and continue sailing, and as they sail on the first mate approaches the captain.."sir i have to ask you why did you ask for your red shirt yesterday before the battle?"

The captain replied "this way if i am hit the red shirt will camoflauge my blood and we will keep fighting and win the battle"

the first mate shook his head in acknowledgement, then the crewman in the crow's nest yells out "TWENTY ENEMY SHIPS HEADING THIS WAY", the captain turns to his first mate and says "bring me my brown pants"

The Old Motor

He's 80, she's 20.

It was the talk of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20year old girl.

After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying: "This is amazing.

How do you do it at your age?"

He answered, "You've got to keep the old motor running."


The following year the young bride gave birth again.

The same nurse said: "You're amazing! How do you do it?"

He again said: "You've got the keep the old motor Running."

The same thing happened the next year.

The nurse then said: "Well, well, well!!! You certainly are quite a Man!"

He responded again, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse said: "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."




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