I can see this is gonna tie you two up for a while.

Well I know sinteticor is a very reliable site but they didn't even get the song right. It's called Pure Morning and it sounds nothing like the Butthole Surfers (who I admit I like...in a purely musical way).

nah, i'm done w/it...

but i'm sure gnappy will let you tie him up... he's kinky like that

Maybe by gunpoint. But that's how closeup get's all his dates...or should I say victims.

oh, nevermind. I had something good to say, but it's not worth trying to remember what the hell it was. So I leave you with this pointless reply.

That's right. over 3000 posts and zero heart attacks... that's how much I care

Now, would anyone else care for a bite of banality

bondi might... but i'm guessing you'd probably have to bring plenty of lube...

...but if naraz is more your type, i'm sure he's WIDE open...

thanks to gnappy for providing me w/that info...

it's a staple of my diet.

i think you're confusing banality with your girlfriend

nah, she definitely likes to keep things fresh and new...

... but you might want to tell your wife there's more to sex than doggy style... i mean, don't get me wrong, she's a freak and all and it's hot when she tells me to smack her ass, but you'd think someone that wild would be more apt to change things up

She probably just says that to avoid having sex with you. She never gives me that line.

She probably just likes doggy with you because she needs a deep-penetrating position like doggy just to feel you. Perhaps if you you were a little more lengthy you could try all the crazy sexual escapades she and I get into. And let me tell ya, Gnappy is the best camera holder a guy could ever ask for.

pulling one out of the archives

Check and Mate

Yeah but doesn't it suck when you fuck up a burn by quoting the wrong song by the wrong band?

especially when that fuckup is rather incriminating in itself.

hey... i googled it... are you telling me that not everything on the internet is true?


...next thing you're going to say is that there's porn online too

that's crazy talk. Porn online. Whatever. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that women can have orgasms.

I thought that too, but your wife proved to me that they can.

Nah, she probably just faked it like she does for everyone else. She's so in tune with other people's feelings.

yeah... the butthole surfers???



Well the Jackie Chan thing was true

Jackie Chan was born in Hong Kong, China (presently part of People's Republic of China). Chan is the son of Lee-Lee and Charles Chan, who emigrated to Canberra, Australia in 1960 as refugees from the Chinese Civil War. Prior to leaving China, Lee-Lee and Charles had worked as a maid and butler, respectively, for the French ambassador to Hong Kong. Chan's Chinese name at birth was Chan Kong-Sang, meaning "born in Hong Kong".

Before he adopted the Westernised name, "Jackie", he was known by a variety of other nicknames. As he was a heavy baby, (12 lb at birth, he claims to have spent 12 months in the womb), his mother nicknamed him "Pao Pao" (meaning "Cannonball"). Later, while studying at the Peking Opera School (alongside Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao) he was known as Yuen Lo, as a mark of respect to his master, Yu Jim-Yuen.

In his early stuntman and acting career (prior to New Fist of Fury in 1976) he was known as Chen Yueng Lung (or Chen Yuen Lung). He was thereafter known as "Jackie", named by his Australian co-workers when living in Australia in 1976-1977[1]. On the building site he worked on, he worked with Jack - due to the language barrier, he was known as little Jack (later shortened to Jackie). Because his father's family name was originally Fong and was changed only when arriving in Hong Kong, Chan's Chinese name was changed in family records years later to "Fong Si Lung"[2]. He has also been listed as "Sing Lung" (meaning "young dragon"), particularly in relation to his music and it may be no coincidence that his character in the film Fearless Hyena was called "Shing Lung".

Chan got his first international success with the film Drunken Master. The movie showed Wong Fei Hung, played by Chan, as a young and mischievous rascal instead of the venerable master of Kung fu that he normally was. This approach made the movie pretty radical. Another special thing about the movie was the silly antics and charm of Chan and Yuen Siu Tien (also known as Simon Yuen), father of renowned martial arts choreographer Yuen Woo-ping. The film was a big success and led the way for other international hits such as Rumble in the Bronx.

Chan married Taiwanese actress Lin Feng-Jiao (Chinese: 林鳳娇) in 1983 according to his autobiography, but many Asian sources state he was married on December 1, 1982. His official website states that he was married in 1982. Chan admitted on an interview with Indian Talk Show hostess, Simi Garewal that he married his wife because she got pregnant before marriage [3]. Chan and Lin Feng-Jiao have a son, Jaycee Chan (aka Jo-Ming), who was born on December 3, 1982, although Chan's autobiography lists his son's birth year as 1984. Chan also has a daughter, Etta Ng Chok Lam (b. November 19, 1999), as a result of an affair with Elaine Ng Yi-Lei.

He was educated at Nan Hua Elementary Academy, but his parents felt he didn't fit in at school so they sent him to the Chinese Opera Research Institute (1961-1971) and Peking Opera School. Chan was in the Seven Little Fortunes Chinese opera troupe as a youth, along with Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and Corey Kwai.


Chan is perhaps best known for performing the majority of his own stunts, which he cheorographs along with his stunt team. Around the time of Project A in 1983, Chan officially formed the Jackie Chan Stunt Team, allowing him to train and work with a group of trusted martial artists and stuntmen for each of his ensuing movies. Chan stated that this makes it easier to choreograph fight scenes as he already has knowledge of his team's abilities. He and his team also undertake many of the more dangerous stunts for the other characters in his films. These are usually shot from behind or otherwise obscuring the faces so it is not obvious to the viewer. The dangerous nature of the stunts make it difficult for Chan to get insurance, particularly in the US, where his stunt work is contractually limited.

Chan holds the Guinness World Record for "Most Stunts By A Living Actor". The record notes that "no insurance company will underwrite Chan's productions, in which he performs all his own stunts"[4]. Chan has been injured several times during his stunts, and these are sometimes played amongst the bloopers shown over the closing credits of his later movies. He came closest to death while filming Armour of God (1985), when he fell from a tree in a relatively routine stunt and fractured his skull.

In his autobiography, Chan says he originally created his screen persona as a reaction to that of the martial artist Bruce Lee, and the numerous imitators who appeared before and after Lee's death (see "Bruceploitation"). Where Bruce Lee's characters were typically stern, morally upright heroes, Chan plays well-meaning, slightly foolish regular guys, often at the mercy of friends, girlfriends or families. However, his characters always triumph in the end.

In the 80s, he appeared in the Lucky Stars series as a supporting actor to his Peking Opera School "brother", Sammo Hung.

Chan repeatedly attempted to break into the American movie industry, appearing in movies like Battle Creek Brawl, Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II and The Protector in the early 1980s. In the 1990s, Chan was offered two roles that would portray him as a villain, but declined both of them. His friend, Sylvester Stallone, offered Chan the role of the criminal, Simon Phoenix, in the futuristic film Demolition Man but he declined as he did not want to play a villain for fear of being typecast for any future Hollywood roles. The role was instead taken by Wesley Snipes. He also declined to play a villain in the film Lethal Weapon 4 with the role taken by Jet Li. Was approached about playing the bad guy in Rambo IV, but turned it down since he feels that a lot of kids look up to him and he wants to be a good role model. Additionally the character was a drug dealer and Jackie has a very personal reason for not wanting to play any character associated with drugs.

While he did attain cult popularity in the US, his break into the mainstream was Rumble in the Bronx in 1995. He has attained the box-office guarantee that has so far eluded other Hong Kong movie stars like Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh in Hollywood. He also made a successful animated series called Jackie Chan Adventures.

In 1994, MTV honoured Chan with a lifetime achievement award for his action-oriented movies, and a year later, he made his "official" debut in North America with a worldwide release of Rumble in the Bronx.


Chan's star on the Avenue of Stars, Hong KongChan has a star on the Avenue of Stars in Hong Kong as well as the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Chan is also a major pop star in Asia, and he released over 100 song titles in 20 albums since 1984. He sings in many different languages including English, Cantonese, Mandarin and Japanese.

As well as many on-going projects, Chan is a keen philanthropist and has worked tirelessly to champion many charity works and causes. As a well-respected figure of the Hong Kong entertainment industry, he is often one of the leaders in such works, speaking up for conservation, against animal abuse as well as promoting disaster relief efforts for flooding in mainland China and the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami. Chan helped raise thousands of US dollars, however this money was later stolen by a third party. In June, 2006, he announced that he would donate half of his assets to charity when he dies. He stated that he admired the efforts by Warren Buffett and Bill Gates to help those in need.[5]

Enough said

Yeah Buck I can use google too

I read all that on Jackie Chan and realised there was some connection with Australia having his parents live here and he lived and worked her for a period of time but it never says he became a citizen? Or if it does I missed that part...

I found nothing where it says he became a citizen, actually nowwhere have I noticed what citizenship he holds now....being from China but born in Hong ong while still under british rule would he be considered British?


lol long live google thought I had everyone fooled on how smarts I is

my thoughts exactally!

snoreeeee!!!!

hehe

You fooled no one

"you will find true love on flag day"

oooh, that one's good!
all I could come up with is:
"Geese can be troublesome"

"You can fool all of the people some of the time,
some of the people all of the time,
but you can't fool all the people all the time."

This is by either Abe Linclon, Abe Simpson or Mark Twain. I think.

what the hell does that mean. i just dont get it.

no heart attacks, but u did tie the knot (around your own neck) somewhere in those posts. u were being driven crazy and didnt even know it!?

me niether
but how bout:
"You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial" or
"You will invent a humorous toilet lid".

THATS IT BOB! IT ALL ENDS NOW!!!

I CANT BELIEVE YOU USED SUCH HOLY GROUND TO AID YOUR PERVERTED MALE HUMOR!! im gonna have to sleep on this. no punishment is too harsh for you! when it comes to me, you better be bent over and waitin, braced against the wall cause it wont be the usual sundaygotomeeting dry ass fuck! im just glad i saw this post late and not live. u should be too!

now that makes more sense, cause some of those soapy shampoo commercials go pretty far! and the humerous tolit lid....give me a few days.

anyway....now that i've calmed down, i just came in here to leave my thought for the day...which, by the way, might just be my next signature...so dont anyone steal it!


u know, how i'm all consumed with the whole masturbation thing.....

this one almost tops "masturbation is not a crime"

masturbation is only a sin when there's no one around to take the pics!

i dont know. maybe u had to be there.

I can't believe bob would say such a thing!
To teach him a lesson please post a boobie pic in my 411, conveniently located here.

That is all®

done.

Have you been buying your Chinese fortune cookies from the factory next door to the crack house again? I thought you learned your lesson after you got the one that read, "Elevator smells different to a midget" You couldn't figure out if they were insulting you or enlightening you.

someone better throw a boobie pic in here cause the night crowd wont even know where to take this one..............

I was gonna steal it and use it for my own, but on second thought, if I used it, it would probably cause me more grief than anything.

I could be wrong but isn't when Homer starts writing fortunes for fortune cookies and Mr Burns searches for love on Flag Day after receiving the afformentioned fortune?

something like that.

Bo, I'm sorry for using such holy ground to aid my perverted male humor. sometimes my id takes control.

I think the only way to keep me on track would be to post a pic of you orgasming while masturbating in my 411... (conveniently linked here). AFter all, it is a very wise and sexy woman who said...masturbation is only a sin when there's no one around to take the pics!

blame the id....I gotta remember that!

my thought for the day...

bo... if that's a sin, i'm more than willing to hear your confession. and i'm fairly sure you screaming "oh god, oh god" counts

I am pretty certain it is... he falls in love with Snakes girlfriend

George Carlin

******************

ABSolutely

Brilliant



George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!


HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

that funny bastard came up with some wise words...especially since I will be "turning 30" in a few months

WOW

you read all that?

Carlin For President

wouldnt that be funny...couldnt be any worse than what they have now...he actaully might be good