QUOTE(closeup @ Sep 27 2005, 10:08 AM)
Those were great, Mama. I liked the droopping tits one the most!
thanks
I did not know if anyone would like them
Full Version: Breast Jokes
thanks
I did not know if anyone would like them
Dinner conversation went bad is hysterical, be a lot funnier if someone could reassure me that it actually never happened, almost sounds like something one of my friends would do 
[
Dinner conversation and the pierced cow were hilarious!
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."
He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."
He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."
He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
QUOTE(boobs rocks @ Sep 27 2005, 11:47 AM)
Dinner conversation and the pierced cow were hilarious!
I'm happy you like
QUOTE(closeup @ Sep 24 2005, 05:01 PM)
A short guide to Malespeak:
"I'm a romantic."= "I'm poor."
"I want a commitment."= "I'm sick of jerking off."
"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"= "Nice tits."
"I have something important to tell you.:= "Get tested."
"I've been thinking alot."= You're not as attractiveas you were when I was drunk."
"I've learned alot from you."= "Next!"
"I'm a romantic."= "I'm poor."
"I want a commitment."= "I'm sick of jerking off."
"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"= "Nice tits."
"I have something important to tell you.:= "Get tested."
"I've been thinking alot."= You're not as attractiveas you were when I was drunk."
"I've learned alot from you."= "Next!"
QUOTE(closeup @ Sep 26 2005, 11:08 PM)
A woman was in her physician's office when she suddenly asked him to kiss her. Once more he refused, explaning that as a doctor he simply could not. After another fifteen minutes passed, the woman begged him again. "Look I'm sorry, I just can't kiss you, In fact," he sighed, "I probably shouldn't even be fucking you."
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 08:05 AM)
[attachmentid=4768]
That is so true!!! Does my bum look big in this!!!
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 08:06 AM)
[attachmentid=4770]
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 08:31 AM)
DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG...
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
I like that one!!!
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 08:35 AM)
LOVE MAKING FOR SENIORS
1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in
bed with you.
2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice!
1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in
bed with you.
2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice!
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 08:37 AM)
Morning sex???????
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he
turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and
she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the
kitchen.Afraid that he might spoil things by getting
up, John called his little boy into the room and asked
him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked
her son to take this to Daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in
the kitchen."
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to" take this to the poor dude upstairs."
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand !
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he
turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and
she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the
kitchen.Afraid that he might spoil things by getting
up, John called his little boy into the room and asked
him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked
her son to take this to Daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in
the kitchen."
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to" take this to the poor dude upstairs."
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand !
That's probably the best so far!!
QUOTE(Hot mama @ Sep 27 2005, 11:44 AM)
[attachmentid=4780]LMAO thought this was soooooo funny!!!
A hunter was hospitalized with serious injuries today
at a local hospital. Doctors removed 47 large splinters
from his penis. No one really knows how this happened
but he was found under this tree.
I saw you smile!!!
A hunter was hospitalized with serious injuries today
at a local hospital. Doctors removed 47 large splinters
from his penis. No one really knows how this happened
but he was found under this tree.
I saw you smile!!!
That's a good one and yes I did smile!!!
QUOTE(clincar @ Sep 27 2005, 05:31 PM)
That is so true!!! Does my bum look big in this!!!
happy you like
QUOTE(clincar @ Sep 27 2005, 05:34 PM)
That's probably the best so far!!
i like that one the most
what did one saggy boob say to the other?
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
QUOTE(jrock8 @ Sep 28 2005, 02:13 PM)
what did one saggy boob say to the other?
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
QUOTE(jrock8 @ Sep 28 2005, 02:13 PM)
what did one saggy boob say to the other?
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.
that was a good one
Two sperm are swimming thru a womans' body. One looks over at the other and says, "Man, I'm getting tired. How much further is it to the uterus? "Uterus?", the other one says, "we haven't even passed the esophagus.
QUOTE(closeup @ Nov 8 2005, 09:12 PM)
Two sperm are swimming thru a womans' body. One looks over at the other and says, "Man, I'm getting tired. How much further is it to the uterus? "Uterus?", the other one says, "we haven't even passed the esophagus.
that was good
Okay, not a breast joke but it is one of my favorites.
Two lesiban frogs were sitting on a lilly pad. One turned to the other and said...you know...it's true what they say...
We do taste like chicken
Two lesiban frogs were sitting on a lilly pad. One turned to the other and said...you know...it's true what they say...
We do taste like chicken
QUOTE(7mary3 @ Nov 9 2005, 01:12 PM)
Okay, not a breast joke but it is one of my favorites.
Two lesiban frogs were sitting on a lilly pad. One turned to the other and said...you know...it's true what they say...
We do taste like chicken
Two lesiban frogs were sitting on a lilly pad. One turned to the other and said...you know...it's true what they say...
We do taste like chicken
that was a good one
Two strangers are sitting at a bar, watching the 11 O'clock news. There's a guy on top of a skyscraper threatening to jump. The first guy says, "I'll bet you ten bucks he jumps." The other guy says, "Sure, I'll take that bet" They watch for a couple of more minutes and sure enough, the man jumps. As the second guy reaches for his wallet, the first says, "Put away your money, I saw him jump earlier on the 6 O'clock news." No, take it," the second guy says, "I saw him jump at 6 O'clock, too, but I never thought he'd do it again."
Breast joke or blonde joke? You decide:
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today,
and all the other kids could only count to four, but I
counted to 10 See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were saying the
alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it
to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes,
it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"she
yelled, "we were in gym class
today, and when we showered, all the other girls had
flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank
top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today,
and all the other kids could only count to four, but I
counted to 10 See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were saying the
alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it
to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes,
it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"she
yelled, "we were in gym class
today, and when we showered, all the other girls had
flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank
top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
I like it! Let's keep this thread alive.
Why do women talk twice as much as men do, and men think twice as much as women do?
-- Because women have four lips, and men have two heads.
-- Because women have four lips, and men have two heads.
QUOTE(chi619 @ Dec 11 2005, 09:40 PM)
Why do women talk twice as much as men do, and men think twice as much as women do?
-- Because women have four lips, and men have two heads.
-- Because women have four lips, and men have two heads.
wow first time a joke gave me wood
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