Things men learn from watching porn.....

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't funk unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of poo out of
you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before funking the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip

damn that is funny as fuck and so true. Women watch porn to you know. I am totally amazed by the truth in number eh' 10! come on do women (all or most) make wierd screaming noises when fucking themselves with plastic dildo. I want to scream at the tv and say shut the fuck up..instead i just hit mute!

Some may even say excessive

Wow, that is too true!

I have a feeling that number 9 might be true...I'll have to try that instead of crying.

Number 6 is something I've always wondered about! Some of these women deserve oscars for their performances--how excited could you really be about having sex with, say, Ron Jeremy?

Kinda like this??

[attachmentid=19573]

No, the other hand has to be on the back of the girls head, or in your blowjob experience, the back of your head

10 and 12 are the only true ones for me I think.

you forgot 21

Well I dunno we tried this one toy thingy on my husband once and it broke his penis for 2 days. I burned it after that.

poor dude that must have sucked to have a broke penis for todays

Was it a Hoover?

I guess 5, 7, 12, 20 and 29 are true for me,

No it was a ring that went around his dick and had a clit attatchment for me so it would stimulate the clit while fucking It was called the Mastiff or something.

Broke his damn penis he could barely get it hard and couldn't cum for 2 days.

So you mean both hands behind my head like this? yeah, that's about right.
[attachmentid=19580]

Hoovers suck!

funny!

Do you prefer the Electorlux Deluxe then?

For me it is 5, 7, 10, 12, 20, 27, and 29

Not only do they deserve Oscars but they and Ron Jeremy deserve special recognition from Oprah AND Dr. Phil for doing more to boost the self-esteem of middle-aged men than Viagra and Cialis combined.

[attachmentid=19585]

The Man.. The Legend... The Hedgehog

It reads like a Powerball drawing, onlyh luckier!

Prude!

I know and here I thought I was wild with having a sex swing and wanting a stripper pole.

are you trying to rebuild my fantasy?

Nope that there was the truth:D

well, i am impressed. as i am sure were just trying to do!

Do you use the swing?

Of course.

For sex? or for watching Dr. Phil?

I need to visit you and this swing!

If you're lucky, you might even convince the swing to give you a blowjob

Been away for a few days and just saw this for the first time. Holly this is funny stuff. And ladies why are you quoting which ones are true arn't they all???

Isn't that what they call your sister these days?

For sex of course. LOL


I will get back to you when I get home I woke up late. Just so you know.

Slightly off tangent....

But, sitcoms have recently taught me that a midly funny, chubby, not handsome man can marry very hot women. King of Queens, According to Jim

Don't forget about Rosanne!!!

It's funny you say that, but Roseanne was the show that started another sitcom phenomenon, that the wives are always smarter than the husbands.

Are you kidding??? You're forgetting about shows like the flinstones and the honeymooners and other similar shows where the men just fly off the handle of rational thought a little too quickly and the women are the voices of reason. However, Rosanne was one of the first good shows to find and exploit the humor in the dysfunctional yet somehow completely functional family

The first thing I thought of was the Flintstones too. It's pretty prevalent that the husband is the dumb one on sitcoms. Although when both parties are out to lunch, you just may have a classic, ala Married With Children
Damn, I loved that show!

That is a great show too. I shoulda thunk of that one, but I was trying to think of older stuff. I have two favorites from that show... the one where he's trying to get 1,000,000 miles on the dodge and the one where I think it's labor day and he actually wants to have sex with peg multiple times during the day... it's also the one where the kids go exploring for ashes for the barbecue and end up using cremated remains by mistake. Two classic episodes!!! Actually, I can think of more, but I'll shut up for now.

Well, one more. I like the one where Peg wins the contest and the fitness guy comes over to get her in shape and he actually turns into a slob and dies of a heart attack or something. They end up having to eat health food cuz peg is so nervous. they even end up eating wheat germ (with a hard G sound ). The health guy also totally ignores Kelly, even when she's bending over on the stairs.

so make that three classic episodes that I can think of off the top of my head.

You know you are right. But at least there was a place for the male in those households, whereas now I think the shows demonstrate the male walking into the home and leaving his balls at the door.

But, you are correct.

hahaha, and the night before the camera crew is supposed to come over to record the dodge rolling over to 1,000,000 doesn't it accidentally roll out of the driveway, wrecking it as well as turning the odometer over? That show makes me feel better about my grey little life.

i remember the other two episodes as well. One of my favs is when Bud and Kelly ship Peg and Al off to a time share con, as they won a contest to have a party with Anthrax(the band, not the spores). They get snowed in at the Bundy house and Anthrax doesn't feel like playing. Until they eat Peg's foil mystery pack in the fridge, "If this stuff was in the fridge, why is it hot?" Classics. I have season 1 on DVD at home, I gotta watch a few of those.

DITTO! I've always loved this show. I auditioned for and got a small parts on three episodes. I was always one of the bimbos in a short skirt and "cleavage" top. My favorite one was in the shoe store when I was a distraction for Al. They were very nice people to work with.

cool! Do you remember what seasons or episodes you were in? I'd like to go check it out.

"My favorite one was in the shoe store when I was a distraction for Al."
-that could be about 20 different episodes

Let us know what episodes, it'd be cool to check out your cleavage on television as well as the Internet!!

I have season 1 at home but season 2, 3, n 4 are on the way. I'll do some screen caps if it's OK.

I say go for it.

Looks like we have to trade DVDs. I have 1-4 of the simpsons, you soon will hvae 1-4 of the Bundys. I just got a new laptop with a DVD burner. I'll have to figure out how to break the copyright protection. You know, just for the sake of knowledge. I would never do something like that really.

I also haven't been doing that for over a year with hundreds upon hundreds of burnt dvd's.

You know, I have a friend who wasn't doing that with MP3s and actually got busted for not doing it. Had to get a lawyer and everything. They tracked his IP when he wasn't doing anything. Problem is, if he was doing something, he probably would have just left his share folder idle for too long and they would have gotten him for everything that was in it. Good thing he didn't do anything though!

Good thing I don't not download movies off the net, and instead don't use a more realiable, free and higher quality source.

That is not all.