Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ Things Men Learn From Porn

Things men learn from watching porn.....

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't funk unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of poo out of
you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before funking the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip

damn that is funny as fuck and so true. Women watch porn to you know. I am totally amazed by the truth in number eh' 10! come on do women (all or most) make wierd screaming noises when fucking themselves with plastic dildo. I want to scream at the tv and say shut the fuck up..instead i just hit mute!

Things men learn from watching porn.....

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

Some may even say excessive :P

Wow, that is too true!

I have a feeling that number 9 might be true...I'll have to try that instead of crying. :P

Number 6 is something I've always wondered about! Some of these women deserve oscars for their performances--how excited could you really be about having sex with, say, Ron Jeremy?

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip

Kinda like this??

Kinda like this??

No, the other hand has to be on the back of the girls head, or in your blowjob experience, the back of your head :nahnah:

10 and 12 are the only true ones for me I think.

10 and 12 are the only true ones for me I think.

you forgot 21 :P

you forgot 21  :P

Well I dunno we tried this one toy thingy on my husband once and it broke his penis for 2 days. I burned it after that.

Well I dunno we tried this one toy thingy on my husband once and it broke his penis for 2 days. I burned it after that.

poor dude that must have sucked to have a broke penis for todays

Well I dunno we tried this one toy thingy on my husband once and it broke his penis for 2 days. I burned it after that.

Was it a Hoover? :lol:

I guess 5, 7, 12, 20 and 29 are true for me, :P

Was it a Hoover?  :lol:

No it was a ring that went around his dick and had a clit attatchment for me so it would stimulate the clit while fucking It was called the Mastiff or something.

Broke his damn penis he could barely get it hard and couldn't cum for 2 days. :bang:

No, the other hand has to be on the back of the girls head, or in your blowjob experience, the back of your head  :nahnah:

So you mean both hands behind my head like this? yeah, that's about right.

Was it a Hoover?  :lol:

Hoovers suck!

funny!

Hoovers suck!

Do you prefer the Electorlux Deluxe then? :huh:

I guess 5, 7, 12, 20 and 29 are true for me, :P

:bonerfied: :banana2: :letsfuck:

For me it is 5, 7, 10, 12, 20, 27, and 29 :P

Wow, that is too true!

I have a feeling that number 9 might be true...I'll have to try that instead of crying.  :P

Number 6 is something I've always wondered about! Some of these women deserve oscars for their performances--how excited could you really be about having sex with, say, Ron Jeremy?

Not only do they deserve Oscars but they and Ron Jeremy deserve special recognition from Oprah AND Dr. Phil for doing more to boost the self-esteem of middle-aged men than Viagra and Cialis combined. :roflmao:

Not only do they deserve Oscars but they and Ron Jeremy deserve special recognition from Oprah AND Dr. Phil for doing more to boost the self-esteem of middle-aged men than Viagra and Cialis combined.   :roflmao:

:allhail:
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The Man.. The Legend... The Hedgehog

For me it is 5, 7, 10, 12, 20, 27, and 29 :P

It reads like a Powerball drawing, onlyh luckier!

10 and 12 are the only true ones for me I think.

Prude!

Prude!

I know and here I thought I was wild with having a sex swing and wanting a stripper pole. :ph34r:

I know and here I thought I was wild with having a sex swing and wanting a stripper pole. :ph34r:

are you trying to rebuild my fantasy?

are you trying to rebuild my fantasy?

Nope that there was the truth:D

Nope that there was the truth:D

well, i am impressed. as i am sure were just trying to do!

Do you use the swing?

well, i am impressed.  as i am sure were just trying to do! 

Do you use the swing?

Of course.

Of course.

For sex? or for watching Dr. Phil?

I need to visit you and this swing!

For sex? or for watching Dr. Phil?

I need to visit you and this swing!

If you're lucky, you might even convince the swing to give you a blowjob :lol: