DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG...
           WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
           WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
           WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
           WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
            WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
            WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
            WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
            WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
            WIFE: - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."

LOVE MAKING FOR SENIORS

     1. Put on your glasses.  Double check that your partner is actually in
  bed with you.
     2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.  
     3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!  
    4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.  
    5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.  
     6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.        
     7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.  
     8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too. 
     9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
  
   10. Don't even think about trying it twice!

Morning sex???????
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he
turned over to his wife's side of the bed.

His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and
she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the
kitchen.Afraid that he might spoil things by getting
up, John called his little boy into the room and asked
him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."

The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked
her son to take this to Daddy.

Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in
the kitchen."

His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to" take this to the poor dude upstairs."

Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand !

[attachmentid=4780]LMAO thought this was soooooo funny!!!

A hunter was hospitalized with serious injuries today
at a local hospital. Doctors removed 47 large splinters
from his penis. No one really knows how this happened
but he was found under this tree.
  


                                           I saw you smile!!!

That is so true!!!   Does my bum look big in this!!! :roflmao:

That's probably the best so far!! :roflmao:  :roflmao:

what did one saggy boob say to the other?
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.

what did one saggy boob say to the other?
we better get some support around here or we're gonna be nuts.

Two sperm are swimming thru a womans' body. One looks over at the other and says, "Man, I'm getting tired. How much further is it to the uterus?  "Uterus?", the other one says, "we haven't even passed the esophagus.

Okay, not a breast joke but it is one of my favorites.

Two lesiban frogs were sitting on a lilly pad.  One turned to the other and said...you know...it's true what they say...
We do taste like chicken

:eatme:

Why do women talk twice as much as men do, and men think twice as much as women do?

-- Because women have four lips, and men have two heads.