[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Jokes, anyone got any good ones to tell?

[foxy lady]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At
the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've
been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang
out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then
said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so
you were the one who invented the
Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in
inventing something that's pretty unstable,
makes noise and pollution and can't run without
a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally
spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws
in your invention:


1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed
in a few words and waited for the results. The
computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is
flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to
these numbers, more men are riding my invention
than yours.

[evade20]

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up quite a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs, and launches during the system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications like Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, and Monday Night Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I am thinking of going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not seem to work on this program. Can you help me PLEASE!?!?

Thanks, Joe

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely utilities and entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is very unlikely that you will be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within the system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained other than small change of scenery. It is impossible to purge, delete, or un-install the program files from the system once they are installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have gone as far as installing Girlfriend 8.0 in a hidden subdirectory, or tried installing Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than the original system had. Detection of Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 can result in Wife 1.0 creating general protection faults such as "Warning- Cannot find Alimony or Child Support files, or files are out of date." Because Wife 1.0's directories and sub-directories are almost impossible to understand or modify, some over-rides have been installed to assist you in (at least) making Wife 1.0 a livable experience.

I recommend that you attempt the following at the onset of ANY problems that you might have. After any system crash, Wife 1.0 WILL give you an opportunity to fix the problem yourself (although you might not see the opportunity, it IS there, you just have to look for it). At the C prompt enter the following:

c:\apologize

Generally this should work, unless you have truly created a massive error. In any case, avoid hitting the "Esc" key at all costs! There are also add-ons that you can install to assist you in your efforts. Try buying a copy of Flowers 4.1 or Chocolates 5.5, or both for really big errors. Do not, under ANY circumstances install Secretary v38.24.36 with short skirt upgrade! This is not a supported application for any of the Wife OR Girlfriend series programs, and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the system.

Best of Luck, Tech Support