[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Jokes, anyone got any good ones to tell?

[foxy lady]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At
the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've
been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your reward is, you can hang
out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then
said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so
you were the one who invented the
Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."
God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in
inventing something that's pretty unstable,
makes noise and pollution and can't run without
a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally
spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to
professional, you have some major design flaws
in your invention:


1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed
in a few words and waited for the results. The
computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is
flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to
these numbers, more men are riding my invention
than yours.

[ddd35]

"
IT'S TIME AGAIN FOR YOUR MAN'S ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" EXAMINATION

>

> 1. If you are over thirty five, and you have a washboard stomach,

>You are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys.

>And you have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,

>and doing the Oprah diet.

>

> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a

>dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,

>has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be

>fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I

>said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a

>cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be

>framed, you're so gay.

>

> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

>nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on

>bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet,
>or tits. Anything else

>and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

>

> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a

>parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is

>his bathroom; he craps and urinates where he pleases.

>

> 5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute.

>A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If

>you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

>

> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different Types

>of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A

>real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that

>Crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league,

>NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse

>or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY

>type of Textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

>

> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying

>to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk

>at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he

>Needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his

>beer, scratch his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.