RMM Message Board -> Jokes

Rate boobs, big boob pics, natural tits, fake tits, hot tits on hot chicks, it's all about breast and we have the melons to prove it!

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

RMM Message Board > RateMyMelons.com > Shoot The Breeze

21 Pages « < 7 8 9 10 11 > »

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

Jokes, anyone got any good ones to tell?

Track this topic | Email this topic | Print this topic

evade20	Nov 20 2006, 09:01 AM Post #241
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	I guess this will have to fit into the jokes thread: Drunk THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: - Indubitably - Innovative - Preliminary - Proliferation - Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: - Specificity - British Constitution - Passive-aggressive disorder - Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: - Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex. - Nope, no more beer for me. - Sorry, but you’re not really my type. - Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight. - Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing. -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

Purduemyron	Dec 5 2006, 01:06 PM Post #242
A Cup Group: Members Posts: 57 Joined: 2-October 06 From: Concord, North Carolina Member No.: 18,119	A little puzzle for y'all. Can you find the tractor in this picture?

Bobaloo	Dec 5 2006, 06:54 PM Post #243
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(Purduemyron @ Dec 5 2006, 01:06 PM) A little puzzle for y'all. Can you find the tractor in this picture? Nope! but I bet it has a haulin' ass bumper sticker and mud flaps. -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

bondiguy	Dec 6 2006, 12:52 AM Post #244
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(Purduemyron @ Dec 5 2006, 01:06 PM) A little puzzle for y'all. Can you find the tractor in this picture? Right behind all the hot naked women? -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

evade20	Dec 6 2006, 06:19 AM Post #245
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(Purduemyron @ Dec 5 2006, 01:06 PM) A little puzzle for y'all. Can you find the tractor in this picture? It would take a aggie from Purdue to think this was difficult... -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

adzster	Dec 10 2006, 08:04 PM Post #246
Training Bra Group: Members Posts: 5 Joined: 10-December 06 From: North Kesteven, East Midlands Member No.: 19,477	Here's a joke for you all. Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven. at the gates, St Peter gives him a jacket made of bronze. While walking around in heaven, Bill saw a man wearing a jacket made of Gold. So he goes back to St. Peter. "Why Have I got a jacket made of bronze? I've seen one man walking around with a gold one" Bill asked St Peter. "Ah, that's the captain of the titanic" replied St peter. "So, the captain of the captain gets a gold jacket, and a man who revolutionised the way we live, work and play and transact business only get's a bronze jacket? What's happening here!? I created Microsoft and the windows operating system! This is Mad" shouted bill "Well," said Saint Peter, "the titanic only crashed once" Ha ha hope u all liked that

bondiguy	Dec 11 2006, 12:06 AM Post #247
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(adzster @ Dec 10 2006, 08:04 PM) Ha ha hope u all liked that Boom Tish! -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

rdmoscow1808	Dec 11 2006, 04:13 PM Post #248
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 748 Joined: 5-May 05 From: Houston, Texas Member No.: 7,752	One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind >>Him, >>My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." >> >>"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies >>"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a >>Urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do >>About it. >> >>It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a >>Doctor." >> >>So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to >>Wal-Mart. >> >>He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the >>Urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. >> >>Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: >> >>"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy >>Activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ >>Wal-Mart." >> >>That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, >>Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. >> >>He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples >>From his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. >> >>Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He >>Deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. >> >>The computer prints the following: >> >>1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) >>2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle >>7) >>3.. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. >>4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. >>5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get >>Better ! >> >>Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart >>

Christof	Dec 11 2006, 05:19 PM Post #249
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 679 Joined: 18-October 05 From: Kettering, East Midlands Member No.: 11,025	What has 2 legs and flies? A pair of trousers (pants for my american cousins) --------------------

Bobaloo	Dec 11 2006, 06:45 PM Post #250
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(Christof @ Dec 11 2006, 05:19 PM) What has 2 legs and flies? A pair of trousers (pants for my american cousins) speaking of flies, what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? he got pissed off. -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

bondiguy	Dec 12 2006, 12:12 AM Post #251
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(Bobaloo @ Dec 11 2006, 06:45 PM) speaking of flies, what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? he got pissed off. Worst Joke Ever -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

evade20	Dec 12 2006, 09:04 AM Post #252
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(rdmoscow1808 @ Dec 11 2006, 04:13 PM) One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind >>Him, >>My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." >> >>"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies >>"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a >>Urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do >>About it. >> >>It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a >>Doctor." >> >>So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to >>Wal-Mart. >> >>He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the >>Urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. >> >>Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: >> >>"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy >>Activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ >>Wal-Mart." >> >>That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, >>Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. >> >>He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples >>From his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. >> >>Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He >>Deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. >> >>The computer prints the following: >> >>1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) >>2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle >>7) >>3.. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. >>4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. >>5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get >>Better ! >> >>Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart >> Damn, RD, if you're going to post a joke that has been forwarded several times by email, at least edit out the control characters like ">>>>". Besides, if you got it by email, so did everyone else...probably six years ago! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

bondiguy	Dec 12 2006, 05:15 PM Post #253
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(evade20 @ Dec 12 2006, 09:04 AM) Damn, RD, if you're going to post a joke that has been forwarded several times by email, at least edit out the control characters like ">>>>". Besides, if you got it by email, so did everyone else...probably six years ago! A fired up evade -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

rdmoscow1808	Dec 12 2006, 10:24 PM Post #254
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 748 Joined: 5-May 05 From: Houston, Texas Member No.: 7,752	QUOTE(evade20 @ Dec 12 2006, 09:04 AM) Damn, RD, if you're going to post a joke that has been forwarded several times by email, at least edit out the control characters like ">>>>". Besides, if you got it by email, so did everyone else...probably six years ago! So sorry to upset you....do I owe you some money???...Did I back into your car???....Did I cut in front of you in line at Walmart???...Did I kick your dog??? As you should have noticed, it is a joke thread, and I told a joke. Sorry it wasnt edited for your specifications, and due to the fact that I am not on this board nearly as much as you are, I did get this "joke" only yesterday, and thought it would b nice to share with others. So the past 6 years, this joke must have missed me, as well as others.....I am not as timely as you are. Go ahead and get in your car and go run over a cat for at least 6 times...or yell at the old lady in the grocery line for not moving so fast...I think you would feel better.....

janeyanne	Dec 13 2006, 02:13 PM Post #255
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 610 Joined: 19-December 05 From: Lincoln, East Midlands Member No.: 12,255	FIRST CHRISTMAS JOKE Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" said Saint Peter. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize Christmas?" The man replied, "They're Carols." And So The Holiday Season Begins....

closeup	Dec 13 2006, 02:36 PM Post #256
Double D's Group: Members Posts: 4,813 Joined: 12-July 05 From: Portland, Maine Member No.: 9,341	QUOTE(rdmoscow1808 @ Dec 12 2006, 10:24 PM) So sorry to upset you....do I owe you some money???...Did I back into your car???....Did I cut in front of you in line at Walmart???...Did I kick your dog??? As you should have noticed, it is a joke thread, and I told a joke. Sorry it wasnt edited for your specifications, and due to the fact that I am not on this board nearly as much as you are, I did get this "joke" only yesterday, and thought it would b nice to share with others. So the past 6 years, this joke must have missed me, as well as others.....I am not as timely as you are. Go ahead and get in your car and go run over a cat for at least 6 times...or yell at the old lady in the grocery line for not moving so fast...I think you would feel better..... I liked your joke and had never heard it before.

Gnappster	Dec 13 2006, 02:44 PM Post #257
Liquor and Whores Group: Members Posts: 11,440 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Regina, Saskatchewan Member No.: 2,922	QUOTE(closeup @ Dec 13 2006, 12:36 PM) I liked your joke and had never heard it before. but in evade's defence, you probably just figured out how to email 2 weeks ago -------------------- Thinking about starting a new thread??? Watch THIS first!

closeup	Dec 13 2006, 02:46 PM Post #258
Double D's Group: Members Posts: 4,813 Joined: 12-July 05 From: Portland, Maine Member No.: 9,341	QUOTE(Gnappster @ Dec 13 2006, 02:44 PM) but in evade's defence, you probably just figured out how to email 2 weeks ago It'll be three weeks next Wednesday.

Bobaloo	Dec 13 2006, 04:39 PM Post #259
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(rdmoscow1808 @ Dec 12 2006, 10:24 PM) So sorry to upset you....do I owe you some money???...Did I back into your car???....Did I cut in front of you in line at Walmart???...Did I kick your dog??? As you should have noticed, it is a joke thread, and I told a joke. Sorry it wasnt edited for your specifications, and due to the fact that I am not on this board nearly as much as you are, I did get this "joke" only yesterday, and thought it would b nice to share with others. So the past 6 years, this joke must have missed me, as well as others.....I am not as timely as you are. Go ahead and get in your car and go run over a cat for at least 6 times...or yell at the old lady in the grocery line for not moving so fast...I think you would feel better..... "She kick my dog, and now I'm going to fuck her! No, I'm not! Just kidding!" I don't know if anyone will get that, but I do and it's hilarious. so hiliarious, in fact, it warrants this here smiley -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

Gnappster	Dec 13 2006, 04:43 PM Post #260
Liquor and Whores Group: Members Posts: 11,440 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Regina, Saskatchewan Member No.: 2,922	QUOTE(Bobaloo @ Dec 13 2006, 02:39 PM) "She kick my dog, and now I'm going to fuck her! No, I'm not! Just kidding!" I don't know if anyone will get that, but I do and it's hilarious. so hiliarious, in fact, it warrants this here smiley I do, jerky! -------------------- Thinking about starting a new thread??? Watch THIS first!

Bobaloo	Dec 13 2006, 05:19 PM Post #261
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(Gnappster @ Dec 13 2006, 04:43 PM) I do, jerky! -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

closeup	Dec 13 2006, 05:33 PM Post #262
Double D's Group: Members Posts: 4,813 Joined: 12-July 05 From: Portland, Maine Member No.: 9,341	Two second graders are walking home from school. One looks at the other and says, "I can't believe Mrs Myers flunked us in sex-ed. My father is gonna kill me." "Yeah", says the second one. "I'm so pissed, I could kick her in the balls."

evade20	Dec 13 2006, 05:40 PM Post #263
Melon Master Group: Members Posts: 21,880 Joined: 21-November 05 From: New York Member No.: 11,658	QUOTE(janeyanne @ Dec 13 2006, 02:13 PM) FIRST CHRISTMAS JOKE Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" said Saint Peter. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize Christmas?" The man replied, "They're Carols." And So The Holiday Season Begins.... Great joke, Janeyanne! -------------------- "The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it." Ansel Adams The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Pierre Elliott Trudeau

Bobaloo	Dec 13 2006, 05:54 PM Post #264
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(closeup @ Dec 13 2006, 05:33 PM) Two second graders are walking home from school. One looks at the other and says, "I can't believe Mrs Myers flunked us in sex-ed. My father is gonna kill me." "Yeah", says the second one. "I'm so pissed, I could kick her in the balls." now that's humor. Great joke. I'm going to tell that one tonight. I sure wish I had friends, cuz i dont' think my fish will understand the joke. -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

closeup	Dec 13 2006, 07:47 PM Post #265
Double D's Group: Members Posts: 4,813 Joined: 12-July 05 From: Portland, Maine Member No.: 9,341	A gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated. After the operation he mournfully complained to a fellow miner, "I supposed I'm fucked now. Who would ever want a one-legged gold digger?" "Try Paul McCartney," his friend replied.

bondiguy	Dec 13 2006, 11:51 PM Post #266
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(Gnappster @ Dec 13 2006, 02:44 PM) but in evade's defence, you probably just figured out how to email 2 weeks ago The only jokes I know are either extremely racist or extremely sexist or a healthy combination of both.... Im sure they wouldnt sit well here -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

Gnappster	Dec 14 2006, 02:03 AM Post #267
Liquor and Whores Group: Members Posts: 11,440 Joined: 28-March 05 From: Regina, Saskatchewan Member No.: 2,922	QUOTE(bondiguy @ Dec 13 2006, 09:51 PM) The only jokes I know are either extremely racist or extremely sexist or a healthy combination of both.... Im sure they wouldnt sit well here I'm quite low brow. -------------------- Thinking about starting a new thread??? Watch THIS first!

bondiguy	Dec 14 2006, 06:23 AM Post #268
I don't suffer FOOLS Group: Members Posts: 16,794 Joined: 2-May 05 From: Sydney, New South Wales Member No.: 7,542	QUOTE(Gnappster @ Dec 14 2006, 02:03 AM) I'm quite low brow. I swear as soon as I posted my last post I knew you or bob were going to say that! -------------------- Bondi Approved ™ I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not.

rdmoscow1808	Dec 14 2006, 12:12 PM Post #269
C Cup Group: Members Posts: 748 Joined: 5-May 05 From: Houston, Texas Member No.: 7,752	A Christmas Story 'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear? The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS. And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter, They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money? And the kids these days--they all are the pits They want the impossible--Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them, They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM! Flying through the air...dodging the trees Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment. There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason, I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Bobaloo	Dec 14 2006, 03:16 PM Post #270
--o00o--O(_)O--o00o-- Group: Members Posts: 7,337 Joined: 22-November 05 From: Chicago, Illinois Member No.: 11,695	QUOTE(bondiguy @ Dec 14 2006, 06:23 AM) I swear as soon as I posted my last post I knew you or bob were going to say that! I woulda, but Gnappy was too quick! -------------------- Don't get all sensitive. That's what my wife does when she wants me to go out with my friends and drink beer. Glad you're back; love your front I'm Whoring for votes. Click here to vote Bobaloo!!! <----- That trick didn't work :(

« Next Oldest · Shoot The Breeze · Next Newest »

21 Pages « < 7 8 9 10 11 > »

1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)

0 Members:

Lo-Fi Version

Time is now: 16th June 2024 - 12:55 AM

Home | Site Map | Terms | Contact Us