You mean, it's the .gif that keeps of .gifing

I've passed this joke on to several people. Now here is a funny thing:

Johnfreak posts a birthday list every morning and I regularly go through and send happy birthday greetings out to the some of the members of that list. This morning I noticed that it was Esmeralda's birthday. Now you might ask, "Who the hell is Esmeralda?" Beats me? The funny thing is her (alleged) location: State= Vatican City, Country= Holy See (Vatican City). Maybe we have a kinky Sister among us.


The other funny birthday, today, is someone with the user name "lemon." Yesterday, Frenchguy_pa posted a chart in a topic which he named "And You?" in the "Shoot the breeze" conference. One of the pictured shapes of breasts was "lemon". When I went to wish lemon a happy birthday, I got an error message saying that the email list was empty...Bogus lemons, I guess.

I'm glad you liked the joke

But now you got me wondering ... what fruit am I ?

I'd have to use body braille to fined out!

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?" "Yessh Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies the cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the
man's pecker hanging out of his fly for all the world to see...
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.......... "Holy shit ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

Great joke, Foxy!!!

here's my joke of the day

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the top of the stairs there was a
stewardess collecting tickets. When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself.


The stewardess said, "I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub."

Ouch

How did gnappy get past security anyways??

Unlucky Flea

One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"

The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the mens cammode, wait for a young pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm".

The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was.

The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"

To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the mens cammode and this pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!

Jokes are so much funnier when they're from personal experience



Note: not from my experience

Closeup's stick figure experience....That's Closeup not closeup2, closeup3, closeup4,...er whatever.

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site.
She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly bitch anyway!"

The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"

Only I Can Have This!
An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says,
"See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!".

The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike.

She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah".

The little boy angrily points to his bike and says,
"Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!"

She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike.

The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says,
"Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".

The next day he walks by and says to her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!

OOOOO! Foxy, Your so hot....

NEWFIE IN THE MORGUE
Clyde the Newfie died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly
and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they sent
for his two best friends, Danny and Joey.
Danny went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Danny said,
"Yees bye he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Danny looked down and
said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Joey in to identify the body and Joey took a look at him and said,
"Yees by, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over."
The Mortician rolled him over and Joey looked down and
said: "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Joey said, "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.
"Yees bye, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.
Every time the three of us went to town, folks would say,
"Here comes Clyde with them two assholes ."

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the
urinal. The guy has no

arms. As Bob is standing there taking care of business, he wonders to
himself how the poor wretch

is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks
Bob to help him out

.. Being a kind soul, Bob says, Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you." The man asks,
Can you unzip my zipper?

Bob says, OK Then the man says, Can you pull it out for me? Bob replies, UH,
yeah, OK... Bob pulls

it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes,
moles, scabs and reeks

something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and bob points
it for him. Bob then

shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bob, Thanks, Man, I
really appreciate it. Bob

says, No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?. The guy pulls
his arms out of shirt

and says, I don't know, but I AIN'T TOUCHING IT...

that is absolutely disgusting yet twice as funny!

I thought so too

bastard!

Must be one of those Nurse Jokes.


My sister was an OR nurse who pretty much speciallized in open heart surgury in a big urban hospital. She use to tell some of the rauchiest jokes that she had heard over someone's split open chest...frequently told by one of the surgeons. She claimed it was a way to relieve the tension which you could cut with a knife (er I mean a scapel). She has since retired from the profession.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same officer was in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter .. $50"
_________________________________________________




WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed"
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit."

Now that is funny

Which one?

The hubby giving himself away

Take Your Choice
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

YUK!

Some bitches never learn!