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> Jokes, anyone got any good ones to tell?

UncleBuck
post Oct 20 2011, 07:29 PM
Post #571


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QUOTE(evade20 @ Aug 24 2011, 08:48 PM)
Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to
choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly
walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt
cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies'
buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint
niver seed nobody do it""

:ph34r:
*




Now dat der's just plain funny !!!
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evade20
post Oct 21 2011, 10:34 AM
Post #572


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QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Oct 20 2011, 07:29 PM)
Now dat der's just plain funny !!!
*




3D tried it but he forgot that there aren't any alligators in Peoria! :lol:
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evade20
post Oct 22 2011, 10:18 AM
Post #573


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Mount Rushmore from the Canadian side:

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rage
post Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM
Post #574


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What tastes good on pie but not on pussy....


★★★The Crust★★★
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rage
post Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM
Post #575


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What tastes good on pie but not on pussy....


★★★The Crust★★★
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evade20
post Oct 22 2011, 03:27 PM
Post #576


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QUOTE(rage @ Oct 22 2011, 03:16 PM)
What tastes good on pie but not on pussy....
★★★The Crust★★★
*




It sounded so good he posted it twice! :lol: :ph34r:
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icandoit
post Oct 25 2011, 12:08 AM
Post #577


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A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner.

After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "How did you do?".

She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50".

He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "All of them".
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valoish
post Oct 29 2011, 01:42 PM
Post #578


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Icandoit, you wouldn't get 50c per client,,,, you're worth WAY more than that!
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stackedmom
post Oct 29 2011, 03:58 PM
Post #579


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Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but...




How do you make five pounds of fat look good ?


Put a nipple on it!!! :niceones:
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evade20
post Oct 29 2011, 05:20 PM
Post #580


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QUOTE(stackedmom @ Oct 29 2011, 03:58 PM)
Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but...
How do you make five pounds of fat look good ?
Put a nipple on it!!!  :niceones:
*


Looks real good! :niceones: :niceones: :niceones:
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icandoit
post Nov 2 2011, 02:02 PM
Post #581


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QUOTE(valoish @ Oct 29 2011, 01:42 PM)
Icandoit, you wouldn't get 50c per client,,,, you're worth WAY more than that!
*



Not sure if this is a compliment or not...

Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish? <_<



:nahnah:
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evade20
post Nov 2 2011, 08:15 PM
Post #582


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QUOTE(icandoit @ Nov 2 2011, 02:02 PM)
Not sure if this is a compliment or not...

Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish?  <_<
:nahnah:
*




You better duck and cover, Valoish! Icandoit is about to go ballistic... :2gunsfiring:
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ddd35
post Nov 3 2011, 03:28 PM
Post #583


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QUOTE(stackedmom @ Oct 29 2011, 01:58 PM)
Didn't read all other pages so don't know if this is on here but...
How do you make five pounds of fat look good ?
Put a nipple on it!!!  :niceones:
*




OH Yeah :P
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valoish
post Nov 3 2011, 06:51 PM
Post #584


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QUOTE(icandoit @ Nov 2 2011, 01:02 PM)
Not sure if this is a compliment or not...

Are you calling me a (high-end) prostitute Valoish?  <_<
:nahnah:
*





Huh....not at all babe... you know I would never treat you as such.... I'm sorry if it didn't come out how it should have
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evade20
post Nov 3 2011, 08:38 PM
Post #585


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QUOTE(valoish @ Nov 3 2011, 06:51 PM)
Huh....not at all babe... you know I would never treat you as such.... I'm sorry if it didn't come out how it should have
*


:haha: Can't say I didn't warn you.... :ph34r: :lol:
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UncleBuck
post Jan 19 2012, 10:50 AM
Post #586


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZW7VGsSIgs...player_embedded
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evade20
post Jan 19 2012, 06:08 PM
Post #587


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QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Jan 19 2012, 10:50 AM)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZW7VGsSIgs...player_embedded
*




This one was funny, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhrJry8iGFY&feature=related
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evade20
post Jan 20 2012, 05:16 PM
Post #588


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not a joke, but some excellent slam poetry:

http://www.wimp.com/uploadedhug/

:P :ph34r:
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evade20
post Feb 20 2012, 10:37 PM
Post #589


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How the heart became the symbol of Valentine?s Day

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ddd35
post Feb 21 2012, 08:17 AM
Post #590


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QUOTE(evade20 @ Feb 20 2012, 08:37 PM)
How the heart became the symbol of Valentine?s Day
*


:2thumbsup:
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FreakyShinnizle
post Feb 22 2012, 12:46 AM
Post #591


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QUOTE(evade20 @ Jan 20 2012, 05:16 PM)
not a joke, but some excellent slam poetry:

http://www.wimp.com/uploadedhug/

:P  :ph34r:
*

Wimp is straight up awesome.
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evade20
post Feb 22 2012, 01:34 AM
Post #592


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QUOTE(FreakyShinnizle @ Feb 22 2012, 12:46 AM)
Wimp is straight up awesome.
*


:2thumbsup:

Truely!
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evade20
post Feb 23 2012, 08:34 PM
Post #593


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Talent!

http://www.bitoffun.com/video_vault/sexy-talent-amy-g.htm


:P
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evade20
post Feb 23 2012, 09:04 PM
Post #594


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99 words for boobs
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UncleBuck
post Feb 25 2012, 11:20 AM
Post #595


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Sensitivity Test For Men


1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don?t miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play..
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she?s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today?s sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I?m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn?t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
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evade20
post Feb 25 2012, 02:44 PM
Post #596


Unregistered
QUOTE(UncleBuck @ Feb 25 2012, 11:20 AM)
Sensitivity Test For Men
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
   A. Lovemaking.
   B. Screwing.
   C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
   A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
   B. Your blood-test results.
   C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:
   A. Your partner climaxes first.
   B. You both climax simultaneously.
   C. You don?t miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   A. Healthy, creative love-play..
   B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
   C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
   A. The best part of the experience.
   B. The second best part of the experience.
   C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she?s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
   A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
   B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
   C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today?s sensitive, caring man is:
   A. A myth.
   B. An oxymoron.
   C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
   A. An appetizer is to entree.
   B. Primer is to paint.
   C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
   A. I hope we can still be friends.
   B. I?m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
   C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
   A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
   B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
   C. Shouldn?t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
*




What is a passing score? :huh:
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evade20
post Mar 1 2012, 05:53 PM
Post #597


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Gardening.... too lazy to type this in so I scanned it... :unsure:

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ddd35
post Mar 2 2012, 10:17 AM
Post #598


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QUOTE(evade20 @ Feb 25 2012, 12:44 PM)
What is a passing score? :huh:
*


:roflmao:
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evade20
post Mar 11 2012, 12:09 AM
Post #599


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Irish yoga :puke:

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icandoit
post Jun 28 2012, 07:54 PM
Post #600


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Accountant gets caught embezzling millions of dollars from a high powered law firm.

He goes to trial and as expected gets a lengthy prison sentence. When he gets to prison and the door slams shut he starts to sob, it has really hit home now.

His cellmate, a big hulking black man, asks him why he is sobbing. The Accountant says "I have heard about what happens to little guys like me in prison."

The cellmate says "Oh no, you don't have to worry about that kind of thing, this is the new prison system. See nowadays we are civil enough to give you a choice, you can be the husband or the wife. It's your choice!"

"Really!?" says the accountant, starting to realize that his situation is really not going to be THAT bad.

"Yes" says the cellmate, "What would you like to be?"

"Well" the accountant says "I would like to be the husband."

The cellmate says "Great! good choice, now get over here and suck your wife's dick!"
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