Bears & Beer

A bear walks into a bar in Billings , Montana and
sits down. He bangs on the
bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, 'We don't serve
beer to bears in bars in
Billings .'

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be
served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, 'We
don't serve beer to
belligerent bears in bars in Billings .'

The bear, very angry now, says, 'If you don't serve
me a beer, I'm going to
eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.'

The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully bears
in bars in Billings .'

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as
promised, eats the woman. He
comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, 'Sorry, we don't serve beer to
belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.'

The bear says, 'I'm NOT on drug s.'

The bartender says, 'You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate.

Or...

What do you call a deer with no eyes
no-eyed deer.  ( you have to say it out loud to make it funny.  being from the south would help too)

And if it has no legs ? Still no-eyed Deer

Q.Why don't women need a watch?
A.There's a clock on the stove.

Classy

LOL sorry.... it is funny though. I have a million of them

no need to apologize man, i can't remember that last time anything offended me...i just like saying classy ironically

touche....

Q.Why are women's feet smaller than men's?
A. So they can stand closer to the sink

haha, but as terrible as it may make me seem I think the black eye one you posted somewhere else I saw was funnier, even though I'd heard it before. That's what I get for being from a small hick town

The more sexist or racist the joke is... the funnier. It is just a fact of life haha

and no matter what you say on here chances are if it ever managed to illicit any sort of bad reaction on my part your slide-show sig thing will distract me quite well. You've acquired a sort of boobomatic immunity thanks to those lovely ladies

Yes sir... these lovely ladies have my back and I hope to have theirs one day!

hmmm, a back-man odd most guys are boob or ass or leg men, hell who we kiddin most of us are just horny bastards.

Also it may be odd but once I whip the drool from my mouth on some of those sig pictures around here I wonder if the fine ladies had to be responsible for writing on themselves... if so that's quite the talent and if not I'd like to point out I have excellent penmanship.

I am definitely the latter and yes, I have often wondered that... I can barely write my own name on a piece of paper.... probably should stop drinking beforehand

yeah don't tell any women that may need the help (as I'm sure they are so short on volunteers to write on their amazing breasts) but my penmanship actually sucks, it was a lie a terrible lie and I cannot live with it on my....what's that thing called again? consci....damn I know this one... nevermind but that withstanding I can write my name in the snow.

Excellent swordsmenship I take it? lol

Another joke:

Q. Why did the women cross the road?
A. It doesn't matter, why was she out of the fucking kitchen?

When did woman get the right to cross the street unaccompanied?

Q.Why don't women need a watch?
A.There's a clock on the stove.

That reminds me: Why do brides always wear white?
                         So the dishwasher will match the stove and refrigerator.

:roflmao:  :thumbup:

That reminds me: Why do brides always wear white?
                         So the dishwasher will match the stove and refrigerator.

Bondi and closeup... :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

Okay, we're even.  Here's one: Why can't Smokey the Bears' wife get pregnant?
Every time she gets hot, he throws sand on her and beats her with his shovel.

Okay, we're even.  Here's one: Why can't Smokey the Bears' wife get pregnant?
Every time she gets hot, he throws sand on her and beats her with his shovel.

hey some people might be in to that sort of thing...

Is that a rake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?