CITY OF NEW YORK - REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
I'm only gonna edit this out of Cangirls thread if she promises me no dick pictures!
NAME :______________________________
GANG NAME :______________________________

1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit?

3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

4) Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette,and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

5) Raoul got 6 years for murder, He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? **Extra credit question: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?

6) If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet , how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint?

7) Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?

8) Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa with one weeks salary?

9) Billy steals Joe's skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his Magnum,how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked

Sounds like black mail to me :ph34r: :roflmao:

I'm gonna try this on Tera, I hope she hasn't seen this:

Attached image(s)

A Women went to the Doctors as she is having a few problems down below.

The Dr asks her to get on the bed and spread her legs so he can give her a diagnosis.

To this she jumps up and spreads em, the Dr has a quick look and says "I can see the problem instantly, your aviarys have got to come out", "What" says the women "My aviarys ? don't you mean my ovaries ? "No" says the Dr "there has been a cock or two up there.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine

when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me

something which will make me happy and sad at

the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said,

"Your pecker is bigger than your brother's."

Now this one was just funny...

The Pope decided to take a couple of days off to visit the mountains of
Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along a campground in the
Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the
woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat,
and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling
frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of
a mean 10-foot grizzly bear!

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came
racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest, the
other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat
from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers
finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their
truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back
seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give
you my blessing for your brave actions!" He told them. "I heard there
was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers!" "I personally have
witnessed A Miracle!!"

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was
that funny lookin guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in
direct contact with heaven, angles, even God and has access to all wisdom!"

"Well," one logger said, "he may have access to all that thair wisdom
but he sure don't know nothin' about bear hunting!"

"By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to
Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

This one's best as an audible joke...

What's a shi-tzu?

One with no animals.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now be
>worth $49.00.
>
>
>
>With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
>
>
>
>With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
>
>
>
>If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have
$49.00
>left.
>
>
>
>But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
all
>the beer,
>
>then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would
have
>had $214.00.
>
>
>
>Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily
>and recycle.
>
>It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
>

Laura Bush is inspecting a new wing of a hospital.
She walks into a ward, and sees a man in the first bed wanking like crazy.
"Oh! Why is he doing that?" She asks the Hospital Director.
"This man is suffering from hyper-sperm production, and if he doesn't ejaculate at least seven times a day, he will die." The Director replies.
"I see." Says The First Lady, as she moves swiftly along.
Further down the ward, she notices a man recieving a blowjob from a nurse.
With a puzzled expression, Mrs Bush looks at the Director.
"This man has the same complaint as the first one Ma'am." The Director answers. "Only he has private medical coverage."

Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine
when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me
something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your
pecker is bigger than your brother's".
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````


A woman was sleeping in her bed when she awoke to what she thought was the sound of someone crying in her kitchen. She throws on her robe and goes downstairs to find her husband softly weeping into a cup of coffee.

"What's the matter with you?", she asked.

He responded, "Remember that day when your father caught us foolin' around in the barn and he stuck a gun in my face and said I either had to marry you or go to jail for twenty years for statutory rape?"

"Yes", she replied, "I remember it."

"Well today would have been the day I would have gotten out of prison."

That's a meaningful comment! :blink:

Yorkshire girls are the best!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties to perform.


Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had
told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the
house.

He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home
to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had
given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking.


He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next
day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the
dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a Yorkshire
girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on
the table every day.


He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had
gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough
to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a
landscaper.

There's nowt like a Yorkshire lass. :wub:

A man goes into a burger joint.
He notices a sign above the counter, that reads:-

Todays Specials

Double cheeseburger £1.50
Hand job £5

Looking at the attractive blonde behind the counter, he asks.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

To which she replies in a coy manner. "I am."

"Good." Says he. "Now go wash your f**king hands. I want a cheeseburger."

A New Drink


A woman and her boyfriend are

out having a few drinks. While they're sitting

there having a good time together she starts talking about this

really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the

more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her

boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives

in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings

the drink and puts the following on the bar -- A salt

shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime

juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and

the woman explains. "First you put a bit of the

salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys

and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime

juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please

her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue

salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys smooth,

rich, cool, very pleasant, he thinks. this is ok. Finally, he

picks up the lime juice and drinks it. In one

second the sharp lime taste hits....... At two seconds the

Baileys curdles....... At three seconds the salty curdled

bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but

being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his

girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes

it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus,

What do you call that drink???" She smiles

widely at him and says,

" Blow Job Revenge!

:roflmao: :thumbup: :drinkup:

An old southern country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whiskey and a Playboy magazine.



"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasing' bum." The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.



Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold. "Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna be a Congressman!"



Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it guys...

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch.
Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home. She
puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
there already.

After a little while the little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear Anything
let alone from a little boy says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$100"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football jersey."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "OK How much this
time?"
Boy - "$500"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your jersey and your
football, let's go outside and have a game of football.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and jersey."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"To a friend of mine for a $600."
The father says, "That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your
friend like that".
"That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess your terrible sin."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here".
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little pr1ck, you're
in my F##!!..ing cupboard now"!!

Good one. :lol:

T HREE COWBOYS ARE SITTING AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OUT ON THE LONESOME PRAIRIE;
EACH WITH THE BRAVADO FOR WHICH HE IS FAMOUS. 'TIS A NIGHT OF TALL TALES.

THE GUY FROM MONTANASAYS, "I MUST BE THE STRONGEST, MEANEST, TOUGHEST COWBOY
THERE IS. WHY, JUST THE OTHER DAY, A BULL GOT LOOSE IN THE CORRAL. IT HAD
GORED SIX MEN BEFORE I WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND BY THE HORNS WITH MY BARE
HANDS AND CASTRATED THAT SUCKER WITH MY TEETH."

THE GUY FROM COLORADO COULDN'T STAND TO BE BESTED. "THAT'S NOTHING. I WAS
WALKING DOWN THE TRAIL YESTERDAY AND A FIFTEEN FOOT DIAMONDBACK RATTLER SLID
OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK AND MADE A MOVE FOR ME. I GRABBED THAT BASTARD WITH
MY BARE HANDS, BIT IT'S HEAD OFF AND SUCKED THE POISON DOWN IN ONE GULP AND
I'M STILL HERE TODAY."

THE COWBOY FROM TEXAS REMAINED SILENT, SLOWLY STIRRING THE CAMPFIRE COALS
WITH HIS PECKER

Ok so i great a great joke: ddd35

I WIN!

I put it up with you in mind ! :P

The Forbes Fictional 15
#2 Burns, C. Montgomery



Courtesy of Fox
Net Worth: $16.8 billion
Source: Energy
Age: 104
Marital Status: Single, one bastard child
Hometown: Springfield, U.S.A.
Education: Yale University, B.S.

Long-time owner and operator of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant saw his fortune double after announcing "technology exchange" with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Outsourced plant operations to India; returned jobs to U.S. after offshore staff demanded coffee breaks. Plans to create Springfield media monopoly thwarted by competition from 8-year-old girl. Burns' health continues to degrade; constructed children's hospitals for use as organ banks, must undergo weekly operation merely to stay alive. Succession uncertain; years of working in a nuclear plant have left him "as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner." Collector of priceless historical artifacts, including only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, first draft of U.S. Constitution with the word "suckers" in it. Dismisses philanthropy, hoards wealth. Says Burns: "One dollar for eternal happiness? I'd be happier with the dollar." Member since 1989.

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death .

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune,and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in thedesert, don'forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
“Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...........

Ees.....

Ees….

Ees.....

Ees.....

Ees, a Ham Bush"


:2gunsfiring:

oooooooooo :roflmao:

How do you get a lady to give you Head and whistle at the same time?
<_<
Ask her to remove her Glasseye :roflmao:

:roflmao: sooooo wrong...but soooooooooo funny!!!!!!!! :roflmao: