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Things Men Learn From Porn
hal the broken clown |
May 2 2006, 05:57 PM
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From: Augusta, Georgia
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Things men learn from watching porn.....
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn't funk unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of poo out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before funking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip
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hal the broken clown |
May 2 2006, 06:46 PM
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A Cup
Group: Members
Posts: 83
Joined: 23-April 06
From: Augusta, Georgia
Member No.: 14,948
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QUOTE(diane26 @ May 2 2006, 06:43 PM) Well I dunno we tried this one toy thingy on my husband once and it broke his penis for 2 days. I burned it after that. poor dude that must have sucked to have a broke penis for todays
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UncleBuck |
May 2 2006, 08:57 PM
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D Cup
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QUOTE(somfan @ May 2 2006, 08:43 PM) Not only do they deserve Oscars but they and Ron Jeremy deserve special recognition from Oprah AND Dr. Phil for doing more to boost the self-esteem of middle-aged men than Viagra and Cialis combined. [attachmentid=19585] The Man.. The Legend... The Hedgehog
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*100% of the shots you don't take don't go in. Wayne Gretzky.
*Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*Egos are like dicks. All men have one, but mine's bigger.
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jokermuss |
May 2 2006, 09:57 PM
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From: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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QUOTE(jlynn @ May 2 2006, 07:52 PM) For me it is 5, 7, 10, 12, 20, 27, and 29 It reads like a Powerball drawing, onlyh luckier!
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"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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jokermuss |
May 2 2006, 09:58 PM
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B Cup
Group: Members
Posts: 183
Joined: 26-April 06
From: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Member No.: 14,995
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QUOTE(diane26 @ May 2 2006, 06:37 PM) 10 and 12 are the only true ones for me I think. Prude!
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"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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jokermuss |
May 3 2006, 12:34 AM
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Joined: 26-April 06
From: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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QUOTE(diane26 @ May 3 2006, 12:07 AM) I know and here I thought I was wild with having a sex swing and wanting a stripper pole. are you trying to rebuild my fantasy?
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"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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jokermuss |
May 3 2006, 12:44 AM
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Group: Members
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Joined: 26-April 06
From: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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QUOTE(diane26 @ May 3 2006, 12:39 AM) Nope that there was the truth:D well, i am impressed. as i am sure were just trying to do! Do you use the swing?
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"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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jokermuss |
May 3 2006, 12:51 AM
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B Cup
Group: Members
Posts: 183
Joined: 26-April 06
From: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Member No.: 14,995
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QUOTE(diane26 @ May 3 2006, 12:47 AM) For sex? or for watching Dr. Phil? I need to visit you and this swing!
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"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
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