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Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 29 2006, 03:21 PM

This might work as a good thread. Best words of wisdom you have heard or a quote that you like or just something that strikes you as a good thought... be it funny or sad or something that just makes you think about things







Importance of Women

1 It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.


2 It's important have a woman who can make you laugh.


3 It's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie.


4 It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.







5 It's very, very important that these four bitches don't know each other.

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 29 2006, 03:38 PM

Hmm words of wisdom. here's a little ditty I heard just recently

search before you create a new thread!

that and "A bit of advice. Always -- no. Never forget to check your references."

Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 29 2006, 04:36 PM

bob my friend with a small penis......I searched but I did not find, thought would be a good thread to start....

"Let thee whom has not sinned cast the first stone"

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 29 2006, 05:13 PM

Todd: Got him, Dad!

Posted by: hott1976 Aug 29 2006, 05:14 PM

my thought of today:

You really like me.... you all really do like me!

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 29 2006, 06:30 PM

UB, I'm sorry. you asked for tidbits and I provided based on a running theme that seems to be the battle cry of this board. I didn't even think of applying my statement to you based on the starting of this thread... but in reading it now, especially after your reply, I can see how that was easily misconstrued.

I think this could be a good thread. I just thought I'd post something that usually sparks a few emotions around here.

I also included a quote from a movie, which, if the reader were not inside my brain, would seem to be connected to the comment about the search thing. Well, that would be wrong. you see, my brain does not usually work in connected thoughts. that quote I posted was completely random from something that popped in my head just as I was writing the post.

Like I said, I can see how my post could easily look like I was giving you a hard time, but trust me I wasn't. I just didn't think before I posted. Sorry about the confusion. Your thread is fine. When the alcohol relieves the frustration from my overworked brain, I will post something a little more coherent... yeah, right.
and as far as the small penis comment... allow me to make it known that while my penis may be small to some people's standards, I am known to be a bit girthy. And in any case, with your wife's small hands and tiny mouth, the pictures I took make my penis look huge!!!

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 29 2006, 06:35 PM

Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 29 2006, 06:37 PM

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 29 2006, 06:42 PM

wow she must be a midget then...little person...whatever.

Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 29 2006, 06:57 PM

HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, LAUGHS.....LOUDEST

Posted by: bondiguy Aug 30 2006, 02:40 AM

If it brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow

Don't drink and drive; you may accidentaly spill some

When the flag is red, go brown instead

why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly

Posted by: jrock8 Aug 30 2006, 12:29 PM

here are a couple of the experts and their advice...

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1695037/

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1698445/
http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1698444/

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 30 2006, 12:53 PM

Do you know what you get when you cross a pit-bull terrier with a computer?


I don't know either, but when it Megabytes it Megahertz.

Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 30 2006, 12:55 PM

That is actauly Megafunny

Posted by: Lynette Aug 30 2006, 02:55 PM

"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself."

Posted by: COMEDYMAN Aug 30 2006, 07:54 PM

" The answer is ALWAYS NO..... until you ask... "

Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 30 2006, 08:08 PM

no means maybe, pour me another tequila

Posted by: bondiguy Aug 31 2006, 01:28 AM

Jesus CM that sounds like the dribble they force feed us on training days in Sales. I hate all that corporate shit haha

Gnappy, Bob, Jrock etc doesn't this thread remind you of when Homer climbs that mountain with those Apple Sauce bars? He meets Ranier in the gym and Ranier says, "Homer, Get on the abdomeniser and I will shout slogans at you"

Posted by: jrock8 Aug 31 2006, 10:43 AM

gym?... what's a gym?... OH... a gym

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 31 2006, 11:51 AM

Homer: Oh Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this?
Marge: Me? I'm not the one who puts butter in your coffee.


Anyway, I saw this one on Happy Gilmore years ago and liked it so much I got the shirt made.

Posted by: jrock8 Aug 31 2006, 01:01 PM

...and then you got someone that doesn't have a big ole' beer gut to wear it

That's two thus far, Shooter.
Oh, you can count. Good for you.
And *you* can count, on *me*, waiting for *you* in the parking lot.

...another classic

Posted by: Gnappster Aug 31 2006, 01:13 PM

beer gut???







I'll have you know it's from whisky and hot wings

Posted by: closeup Aug 31 2006, 05:51 PM

Remember; The first step in failing is trying. The lesson is, never try.

The early bird may get the mouse, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.

Posted by: evade20 Aug 31 2006, 06:11 PM

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
William G. McAdoo (1863-1941)


And this one is for you, Closeup! "Semper Fi!" Or have you forgotten.

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 31 2006, 06:54 PM

this was always me my favorite

FUCK YOU , YOU FUCKIN FUCK

Posted by: closeup Aug 31 2006, 08:53 PM

I haven't forgotten. Those aren't exactly words of wisdom, they're more like a motto. A better example of Marine Corps advice would be," Lead, follow, or get the fuck out of the way."

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 1 2006, 12:35 AM

Haha that is one of my fav simpsons quotes. I always say Im heading down to the GYM



I love when the Dog drags his arse outside! Or when he's eating his Apple Sauce bars and looks at the rest of the family and says, "How can you put that filth into your bodies?"



That guy is a classic!

"Hey, I believe that's Mr Gilmore's"

Posted by: ddd35 Sep 1 2006, 01:34 PM

a classic

THIS TO SHALL PASS>>>>>>>>

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 1 2006, 02:49 PM

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
Robert Heinlein, "Job", 1984

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 1 2006, 02:51 PM

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 1 2006, 04:31 PM

this too even

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 1 2006, 05:49 PM

If you want something in life, you've gotta work really hard for it!



Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers!

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 2 2006, 02:28 PM

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.

Posted by: ddd35 Sep 4 2006, 10:36 AM

A friend in need is a friend indeed ,,,,

Posted by: jlynn Sep 5 2006, 06:46 PM

Any Chappelle's Show fans?

"Hey hey hey! Smoke weed everyday!"

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 6 2006, 01:56 AM

A friend with weed is better

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 6 2006, 11:41 AM

A friend with breasts and all the rest

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 6 2006, 01:20 PM

combining those two...

where is wildncrazy anyway?

Posted by: Lynette Sep 6 2006, 01:30 PM

Suck a tit...Save a thumb.

Posted by: ddd35 Sep 6 2006, 01:58 PM

I think Big and Rich are working on a song with that title ......

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 6 2006, 09:46 PM

I just watched that one last night.

It was funny, but not ha, ha funny!

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 6 2006, 09:47 PM

Making love is what your girlfriend does while I'm fucking her!

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 6 2006, 10:13 PM

spotted
and I am so Krunchy the Klown!

Posted by: fellatiofiend18 Sep 6 2006, 11:32 PM

"fuck me or fuck off... cus i aint in no kind of mood"

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 7 2006, 12:53 AM

A friend whos dressed in leather

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 11:56 AM

my japanese is better,
and when she's pressed, she will undress,
and then she's boxing clever

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 7 2006, 03:00 PM

big surprise here... bondi and gnappy both know the lyrics to a song by the "butthole surfers"

(bob says if you ask naraz nicely, he'll let you in their fanclub)





...i don't care what happens after this... that was a quad burn motherfuckers

Posted by: closeup Sep 7 2006, 03:15 PM

"They're three types of people in the world; those who can count and those who can't."

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 03:18 PM

the song is by placebo, not butthole surfers(unless they covered it at some point).
so I guess your "quad burn"isn't even good for a single.

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 7 2006, 03:20 PM

http://www.sinteticor.com/artist_b/butthole_surfers_lyrics/friend_with_weed_lyrics.html

Posted by: closeup Sep 7 2006, 03:23 PM

I can see this is gonna tie you two up for a while.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 03:27 PM

Well I know sinteticor is a very reliable site but they didn't even get the song right. It's called Pure Morning and it sounds nothing like the Butthole Surfers (who I admit I like...in a purely musical way).

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 7 2006, 03:27 PM

nah, i'm done w/it...

but i'm sure gnappy will let you tie him up... he's kinky like that

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 03:34 PM

Maybe by gunpoint. But that's how closeup get's all his dates...or should I say victims.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 7 2006, 05:00 PM

oh, nevermind. I had something good to say, but it's not worth trying to remember what the hell it was. So I leave you with this pointless reply.

That's right. over 3000 posts and zero heart attacks... that's how much I care

Now, would anyone else care for a bite of banality

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 7 2006, 05:10 PM

bondi might... but i'm guessing you'd probably have to bring plenty of lube...

...but if naraz is more your type, i'm sure he's WIDE open...

thanks to gnappy for providing me w/that info...

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 05:11 PM

it's a staple of my diet.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 05:12 PM

i think you're confusing banality with your girlfriend

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 7 2006, 05:18 PM

nah, she definitely likes to keep things fresh and new...

... but you might want to tell your wife there's more to sex than doggy style... i mean, don't get me wrong, she's a freak and all and it's hot when she tells me to smack her ass, but you'd think someone that wild would be more apt to change things up

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 7 2006, 05:38 PM

She probably just says that to avoid having sex with you. She never gives me that line.

She probably just likes doggy with you because she needs a deep-penetrating position like doggy just to feel you. Perhaps if you you were a little more lengthy you could try all the crazy sexual escapades she and I get into. And let me tell ya, Gnappy is the best camera holder a guy could ever ask for.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 7 2006, 05:53 PM

pulling one out of the archives

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 7 2006, 06:28 PM

Check and Mate

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 7 2006, 11:19 PM

Yeah but doesn't it suck when you fuck up a burn by quoting the wrong song by the wrong band?

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 8 2006, 11:52 AM

especially when that fuckup is rather incriminating in itself.

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 8 2006, 12:29 PM

hey... i googled it... are you telling me that not everything on the internet is true?


...next thing you're going to say is that there's porn online too

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 8 2006, 12:40 PM

that's crazy talk. Porn online. Whatever. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that women can have orgasms.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 8 2006, 01:19 PM

I thought that too, but your wife proved to me that they can.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 8 2006, 02:03 PM

Nah, she probably just faked it like she does for everyone else. She's so in tune with other people's feelings.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 8 2006, 05:35 PM

yeah... the butthole surfers???



Well the Jackie Chan thing was true

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 8 2006, 09:00 PM

Jackie Chan was born in Hong Kong, China (presently part of People's Republic of China). Chan is the son of Lee-Lee and Charles Chan, who emigrated to Canberra, Australia in 1960 as refugees from the Chinese Civil War. Prior to leaving China, Lee-Lee and Charles had worked as a maid and butler, respectively, for the French ambassador to Hong Kong. Chan's Chinese name at birth was Chan Kong-Sang, meaning "born in Hong Kong".

Before he adopted the Westernised name, "Jackie", he was known by a variety of other nicknames. As he was a heavy baby, (12 lb at birth, he claims to have spent 12 months in the womb), his mother nicknamed him "Pao Pao" (meaning "Cannonball"). Later, while studying at the Peking Opera School (alongside Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao) he was known as Yuen Lo, as a mark of respect to his master, Yu Jim-Yuen.

In his early stuntman and acting career (prior to New Fist of Fury in 1976) he was known as Chen Yueng Lung (or Chen Yuen Lung). He was thereafter known as "Jackie", named by his Australian co-workers when living in Australia in 1976-1977[1]. On the building site he worked on, he worked with Jack - due to the language barrier, he was known as little Jack (later shortened to Jackie). Because his father's family name was originally Fong and was changed only when arriving in Hong Kong, Chan's Chinese name was changed in family records years later to "Fong Si Lung"[2]. He has also been listed as "Sing Lung" (meaning "young dragon"), particularly in relation to his music and it may be no coincidence that his character in the film Fearless Hyena was called "Shing Lung".

Chan got his first international success with the film Drunken Master. The movie showed Wong Fei Hung, played by Chan, as a young and mischievous rascal instead of the venerable master of Kung fu that he normally was. This approach made the movie pretty radical. Another special thing about the movie was the silly antics and charm of Chan and Yuen Siu Tien (also known as Simon Yuen), father of renowned martial arts choreographer Yuen Woo-ping. The film was a big success and led the way for other international hits such as Rumble in the Bronx.

Chan married Taiwanese actress Lin Feng-Jiao (Chinese: 林鳳娇) in 1983 according to his autobiography, but many Asian sources state he was married on December 1, 1982. His official website states that he was married in 1982. Chan admitted on an interview with Indian Talk Show hostess, Simi Garewal that he married his wife because she got pregnant before marriage [3]. Chan and Lin Feng-Jiao have a son, Jaycee Chan (aka Jo-Ming), who was born on December 3, 1982, although Chan's autobiography lists his son's birth year as 1984. Chan also has a daughter, Etta Ng Chok Lam (b. November 19, 1999), as a result of an affair with Elaine Ng Yi-Lei.

He was educated at Nan Hua Elementary Academy, but his parents felt he didn't fit in at school so they sent him to the Chinese Opera Research Institute (1961-1971) and Peking Opera School. Chan was in the Seven Little Fortunes Chinese opera troupe as a youth, along with Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and Corey Kwai.


Chan is perhaps best known for performing the majority of his own stunts, which he cheorographs along with his stunt team. Around the time of Project A in 1983, Chan officially formed the Jackie Chan Stunt Team, allowing him to train and work with a group of trusted martial artists and stuntmen for each of his ensuing movies. Chan stated that this makes it easier to choreograph fight scenes as he already has knowledge of his team's abilities. He and his team also undertake many of the more dangerous stunts for the other characters in his films. These are usually shot from behind or otherwise obscuring the faces so it is not obvious to the viewer. The dangerous nature of the stunts make it difficult for Chan to get insurance, particularly in the US, where his stunt work is contractually limited.

Chan holds the Guinness World Record for "Most Stunts By A Living Actor". The record notes that "no insurance company will underwrite Chan's productions, in which he performs all his own stunts"[4]. Chan has been injured several times during his stunts, and these are sometimes played amongst the bloopers shown over the closing credits of his later movies. He came closest to death while filming Armour of God (1985), when he fell from a tree in a relatively routine stunt and fractured his skull.

In his autobiography, Chan says he originally created his screen persona as a reaction to that of the martial artist Bruce Lee, and the numerous imitators who appeared before and after Lee's death (see "Bruceploitation"). Where Bruce Lee's characters were typically stern, morally upright heroes, Chan plays well-meaning, slightly foolish regular guys, often at the mercy of friends, girlfriends or families. However, his characters always triumph in the end.

In the 80s, he appeared in the Lucky Stars series as a supporting actor to his Peking Opera School "brother", Sammo Hung.

Chan repeatedly attempted to break into the American movie industry, appearing in movies like Battle Creek Brawl, Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II and The Protector in the early 1980s. In the 1990s, Chan was offered two roles that would portray him as a villain, but declined both of them. His friend, Sylvester Stallone, offered Chan the role of the criminal, Simon Phoenix, in the futuristic film Demolition Man but he declined as he did not want to play a villain for fear of being typecast for any future Hollywood roles. The role was instead taken by Wesley Snipes. He also declined to play a villain in the film Lethal Weapon 4 with the role taken by Jet Li. Was approached about playing the bad guy in Rambo IV, but turned it down since he feels that a lot of kids look up to him and he wants to be a good role model. Additionally the character was a drug dealer and Jackie has a very personal reason for not wanting to play any character associated with drugs.

While he did attain cult popularity in the US, his break into the mainstream was Rumble in the Bronx in 1995. He has attained the box-office guarantee that has so far eluded other Hong Kong movie stars like Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh in Hollywood. He also made a successful animated series called Jackie Chan Adventures.

In 1994, MTV honoured Chan with a lifetime achievement award for his action-oriented movies, and a year later, he made his "official" debut in North America with a worldwide release of Rumble in the Bronx.


Chan's star on the Avenue of Stars, Hong KongChan has a star on the Avenue of Stars in Hong Kong as well as the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Chan is also a major pop star in Asia, and he released over 100 song titles in 20 albums since 1984. He sings in many different languages including English, Cantonese, Mandarin and Japanese.

As well as many on-going projects, Chan is a keen philanthropist and has worked tirelessly to champion many charity works and causes. As a well-respected figure of the Hong Kong entertainment industry, he is often one of the leaders in such works, speaking up for conservation, against animal abuse as well as promoting disaster relief efforts for flooding in mainland China and the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami. Chan helped raise thousands of US dollars, however this money was later stolen by a third party. In June, 2006, he announced that he would donate half of his assets to charity when he dies. He stated that he admired the efforts by Warren Buffett and Bill Gates to help those in need.[5]

Enough said

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 8 2006, 09:40 PM

Yeah Buck I can use google too

I read all that on Jackie Chan and realised there was some connection with Australia having his parents live here and he lived and worked her for a period of time but it never says he became a citizen? Or if it does I missed that part...

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 9 2006, 03:38 PM

I found nothing where it says he became a citizen, actually nowwhere have I noticed what citizenship he holds now....being from China but born in Hong ong while still under british rule would he be considered British?


lol long live google thought I had everyone fooled on how smarts I is

Posted by: boanna Sep 10 2006, 02:59 AM

my thoughts exactally!

Posted by: fellatiofiend18 Sep 10 2006, 04:02 AM

snoreeeee!!!!

hehe

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 11 2006, 03:06 AM

You fooled no one

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 11 2006, 11:43 PM

"you will find true love on flag day"

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 12 2006, 09:25 AM

oooh, that one's good!
all I could come up with is:
"Geese can be troublesome"

Posted by: closeup Sep 12 2006, 02:37 PM

"You can fool all of the people some of the time,
some of the people all of the time,
but you can't fool all the people all the time."

This is by either Abe Linclon, Abe Simpson or Mark Twain. I think.

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 04:38 PM

what the hell does that mean. i just dont get it.

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 04:43 PM

no heart attacks, but u did tie the knot (around your own neck) somewhere in those posts. u were being driven crazy and didnt even know it!?

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 12 2006, 04:55 PM

me niether
but how bout:
"You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial" or
"You will invent a humorous toilet lid".

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:00 PM

THATS IT BOB! IT ALL ENDS NOW!!!

I CANT BELIEVE YOU USED SUCH HOLY GROUND TO AID YOUR PERVERTED MALE HUMOR!! im gonna have to sleep on this. no punishment is too harsh for you! when it comes to me, you better be bent over and waitin, braced against the wall cause it wont be the usual sundaygotomeeting dry ass fuck! im just glad i saw this post late and not live. u should be too!

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:02 PM

now that makes more sense, cause some of those soapy shampoo commercials go pretty far! and the humerous tolit lid....give me a few days.

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:05 PM

anyway....now that i've calmed down, i just came in here to leave my thought for the day...which, by the way, might just be my next signature...so dont anyone steal it!


u know, how i'm all consumed with the whole masturbation thing.....

this one almost tops "masturbation is not a crime"

masturbation is only a sin when there's no one around to take the pics!

i dont know. maybe u had to be there.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 12 2006, 05:05 PM

I can't believe bob would say such a thing!
To teach him a lesson please post a boobie pic in my 411, conveniently located http://www.ratemymelons.com/chat/Gnappster-t135-s990.html

That is all®

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:19 PM

done.

Posted by: closeup Sep 12 2006, 05:20 PM

Have you been buying your Chinese fortune cookies from the factory next door to the crack house again? I thought you learned your lesson after you got the one that read, "Elevator smells different to a midget" You couldn't figure out if they were insulting you or enlightening you.

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:42 PM

someone better throw a boobie pic in here cause the night crowd wont even know where to take this one..............

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 12 2006, 05:53 PM

I was gonna steal it and use it for my own, but on second thought, if I used it, it would probably cause me more grief than anything.

Posted by: boanna Sep 12 2006, 05:58 PM

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 13 2006, 03:47 AM

I could be wrong but isn't when Homer starts writing fortunes for fortune cookies and Mr Burns searches for love on Flag Day after receiving the afformentioned fortune?

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 13 2006, 10:02 AM

something like that.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 13 2006, 12:41 PM

Bo, I'm sorry for using such holy ground to aid my perverted male humor. sometimes my id takes control.

I think the only way to keep me on track would be to post a pic of you orgasming while masturbating in my 411... (conveniently linked http://www.ratemymelons.com/chat/index.php?showtopic=786&view=findpost&p=114627). AFter all, it is a very wise and sexy woman who said...masturbation is only a sin when there's no one around to take the pics!

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 13 2006, 12:47 PM

blame the id....I gotta remember that!

Posted by: jrock8 Sep 13 2006, 03:38 PM

my thought for the day...

bo... if that's a sin, i'm more than willing to hear your confession. and i'm fairly sure you screaming "oh god, oh god" counts

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 14 2006, 04:51 AM

I am pretty certain it is... he falls in love with Snakes girlfriend

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 20 2006, 02:04 PM

George Carlin

******************

ABSolutely

Brilliant



George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50

and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!


HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 20 2006, 05:02 PM

that funny bastard came up with some wise words...especially since I will be "turning 30" in a few months

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 20 2006, 09:19 PM

WOW

you read all that?

Posted by: UncleBuck Sep 21 2006, 10:18 AM

Carlin For President

wouldnt that be funny...couldnt be any worse than what they have now...he actaully might be good

Posted by: closeup Sep 21 2006, 10:27 AM

He skimmed it. Best to wait for the movie.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 21 2006, 12:59 PM

I'm not reading all that! brevity, cloesup, brevity.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 22 2006, 12:16 AM

I downlaoded it from an illegal site last night... and burnt it to DVD, selling at the local markets to school kids for $5 a pop

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 10:51 AM

that's the same price closeup's mother charges for a blow job.

by the way, you're better off buying bondi's DVD.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 22 2006, 11:19 AM

hahahaha, great toll booth willy reference

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 11:29 AM

I knew it was from something, I just couldn't remember what. I could imagine the voice and everything, I just couldn't place it. thanks for the help.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 22 2006, 11:42 AM

Driver5: Hello Willy, good to see you.
Toll Booth Willy: Ahhh Bishop Nelson, nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day.
Driver5: Well, I do my best.
Toll Booth Willy: Dawla twenty five, Bishop.
Driver5: Dollar twenty five Willy...isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job you piece of dog shit?
Toll Booth Willy: OOOOHHHH HAVE ANOTHER ONE YOU FUCKIN LUSH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE BARTENDER CUT YOU OFF LAST NIGHT YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAG!

funny funny funny stuff....funny

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 11:55 AM

Douche bag... it's like the word of the week. It's popping up everywhere.

Posted by: closeup Sep 22 2006, 01:20 PM

Sounds like you're quite the expert on five dollar blowjobs. Your only problem is you GIVE them for five dollars, but then pay ten to RECEIVE one. If you followed Gnappy's business plan of buy low/sell high, you'll last a lot longer and your kness won't be so sore at the end of the day.

Posted by: chelsey Sep 22 2006, 01:21 PM

hows this for a thought for the day

Posted by: closeup Sep 22 2006, 01:29 PM

Fridays & Chelsey were both made for flashing. Way to display the goods, makes me want to squeeze them.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 22 2006, 01:45 PM

See, I'm not the fool after all.

Posted by: closeup Sep 22 2006, 01:49 PM

Experience is the best teacher. Bob will eventually figure it out after he wears out a few pair of knee pads.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 02:49 PM

Chelsey, that's hot. You've got some lovely assets that have quite the power to turn a thread around.

Posted by: Gnappster Sep 22 2006, 02:53 PM

TGIC!

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 03:19 PM

cuz in here, every day is Chelseyday

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 22 2006, 06:03 PM

BAM!



Nice Burn back

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 22 2006, 06:14 PM

thanks!

Eh, it was all right.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 22 2006, 07:00 PM

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

Posted by: chelsey Sep 22 2006, 07:31 PM

Posted by: evade20 Oct 3 2006, 11:25 PM

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Mark Twain

Posted by: AlphaOmega Oct 4 2006, 02:34 AM

when your right, no one remembers. when your wrong, no one forgets.

Posted by: wild n crazy Oct 4 2006, 03:38 AM

i wanna rock n roll all night and party every day

Posted by: evade20 Oct 4 2006, 04:49 AM

No wonder I lost my mind.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 4 2006, 10:13 AM

funny how things work out around here. That was the perfect setup that happened by complete accident.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 4 2006, 12:21 PM

I used to rock n roll all night and party everyday, then it was every other day, now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 5 2006, 01:11 AM

Now that is my kinda quote



SPOTTED

Maybe a trip to Hallabalooza will help?

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 11:33 AM

good idea!

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 11:35 AM

haha. makes me laugh every time. the word planet got me thinking of futurama. did any of the Simpsons characters make a cameo appearance on that show??

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 12:10 PM

good trivia question...not that I can remember. On the flip side, did any Futurama characters appear on the Simpsons?

Posted by: closeup Oct 5 2006, 12:57 PM

No one cares about your stupid dinosaur bands! You have the worst, lamest taste in music ever!.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 01:09 PM

I was just tryin to party with you.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 01:49 PM

that is beyond the vast scope of my limited knowledge. I even gave a half-hearted search all to no avail.

Posted by: Christof Oct 5 2006, 02:28 PM

Pretty sure there was a bart simpson doll in one of the episodes, possibly the one where amy looses the keys in the toy grabby arm thing and has to win them back, might not have been but sure it was somewhere

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 03:00 PM

All I can find is a couch gag:
Five pneumatic tubes are arrayed above the couch, each large enough for a person to slide through. One by one, the Simpsons drop through the tubes onto their place on the couch, except for Bart. Philip J. Fry (from "Futurama," Matt Groening's other show) shoots out the final tube. Seconds later, he's sucked back up and replaced by Bart.

and this :

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 05:03 PM

I saw that too and I was gonna post that pic but I got distracted at work and you beat me to it. Apparently there's also an ep with a phone-a-thon and bender's voice is on the phone or something. I tried to find a pic, but homerize was messing up on me. Now it's working, but work is messing me up. There's also a couple other references. i'll get back in the ballgame and see what I find.

argh. What a crazy two hours I've just had!!! I think I'm beginning to go

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 05:09 PM

you'd better hurry up or I'll end up doing some real work around here.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 05:40 PM

done and done

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 05:44 PM

yeah, right

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 05:45 PM

haha that's great.
I recognize Bender, the dude from PJ's, Hank Hill, and is that Sideshow Luke Perry?

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 05:52 PM

haha Sideshow luke perry. that's awesome. how could I have forgotten that.

Here's another what they are calling a reference. on the bottom of the carl carving is the severed-head ring from futurama. subtle, but a reference nonetheless.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2006, 06:08 PM

you'd have to be a real nerd to spot that!


I'm surprised I missed it.

And how could you forget Luke Perry's most famous role?

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 5 2006, 06:10 PM

I don't know how either. i mean, he is a big TV star!

Posted by: closeup Oct 5 2006, 10:25 PM

The guy next to Luke Perry is Rupert Murdock, owner of Fox TV.

Posted by: evade20 Oct 6 2006, 12:47 AM

Damn, I thought it was Bondi's face carved into Uluru...

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 6 2006, 01:40 AM

As it has been spotted, Bender is a part of the team manning the phones on the tele-thon and Bart simpsons dolls have appeared in Futurama.



Firstly, It's Par-tey, Secondly, I wouldn't par-tey with you if you were the last board whore on earth!

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 6 2006, 11:11 AM

good call!

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 6 2006, 06:32 PM

Probably the richest Australian... but he barely lives here

Posted by: UncleBuck Oct 9 2006, 10:10 PM

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 10 2006, 12:47 AM

I am too lazy to check so I shall take your word on this!

Posted by: Seymour Oct 13 2006, 08:16 AM

Triskaidekaphobia

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 13 2006, 09:50 AM

clever, you are!

Posted by: UncleBuck Oct 13 2006, 09:51 AM

the fear of the number thirteen

paraskavedekatriaphobia ....is the fear of Friday the 13th

Posted by: Seymour Oct 13 2006, 10:00 AM

Cheers

Have no fear on Flash Friday

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 13 2006, 11:58 AM

I see everyone has learned how to use google quite well

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 13 2006, 12:19 PM

I didn't know what the hell you were talking about on that one. I had to ask jeeves WTF google meant.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 13 2006, 12:37 PM

jeeves must be suckin back on grandpa's cough medicine this morning. I tried asking him about google and I got this :

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 13 2006, 01:46 PM

Look who's oinking, look who's oinking!!!

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 13 2006, 01:57 PM

d'oh! I wanted Earnest Cuts the Cheese.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 13 2006, 02:01 PM

I think Honey, I Hit the School Bus would be a much better movie.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 13 2006, 02:31 PM

forget it, they're all sold out

Posted by: closeup Oct 13 2006, 02:42 PM

Besides, Bondi missed the first grade class that covered M-T, so he wouldn't be a good candidate to judge your accuracy. He's also a little sketchy on G-K.

Posted by: UncleBuck Oct 13 2006, 03:16 PM

actually it was in the morn'n paper never googled it.....

The Simpsons are great ..... BUT can we have a thread somewhere where every other post doesnt involve bart and the whole fucking gang....

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 13 2006, 04:17 PM

don't have a cow, man!

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 13 2006, 04:35 PM

oh, you haven't said that in four years

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 13 2006, 05:23 PM

Ahhh is there anything it can't do?



What about the Stockholm Affair???



Yeah.... let UB have it!

Posted by: evade20 Oct 14 2006, 11:10 AM

Bart who?

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 14 2006, 09:28 PM

Simpsons man... who the hell are you?

Posted by: evade20 Oct 14 2006, 10:28 PM

Posted by: Seymour Nov 7 2006, 09:05 PM

Senate - derived from the Latin word senex for "old man"

Posted by: evade20 Nov 8 2006, 03:32 AM

How apropos! The US senate is about to change hands.

The American Heritage Dictionary says "elder"

Posted by: evade20 Nov 10 2006, 05:26 PM

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
G.B Shaw

Posted by: bondiguy Nov 10 2006, 05:33 PM

Evade's sig quotes are growing by the day...

a little heavy for the likes of us here at RMM?

Posted by: ddd35 Nov 10 2006, 05:36 PM

lord Byron has been dead along time , hes kinda starting to stink !!!

Posted by: bondiguy Nov 10 2006, 05:42 PM

evade is so old he still considers him to be a wipper snapper

Posted by: ddd35 Nov 10 2006, 05:43 PM

lol

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 1 2006, 02:21 PM

A bumber sticker I saw yesterday ..

IF YOU CANT STAND BEHIND THE TROOPS AND SUPPORT THEM
PLEASE STEP IN FRONT OF THEM , AS YOU MUST BE THE ENEMY !!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 5 2006, 12:00 PM

I can see it's point but it seems a little propaganda-ist to me.

I always support the troops, but not always the people that send them there.

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 5 2006, 05:20 PM

That perfectly sums up my feelings... I'm stealing that line

Posted by: Purduemyron Dec 5 2006, 06:38 PM

Study like you'll live forever, party like you'll die tomorrow.

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 5 2006, 10:33 PM

agreed

Posted by: RackRaider Dec 8 2006, 03:05 PM

Why does the word 'monosyllabic' have five syllables?

Steven Wright

Posted by: Bobaloo Dec 8 2006, 03:17 PM

Steven wright is great. Two classic lines:
1) I bought some powdered water the other day. I couldn't figure out what to add.

2) I have a very large seashell collection that I keep scattered in beaches around the world.

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 8 2006, 04:11 PM

matter of opinion !! and most dont count

Posted by: closeup Dec 8 2006, 04:16 PM

Why does "World Wide Web" have three syllables, while it's abbreviation, WWW, has nine?

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 8 2006, 04:18 PM

more importantly hummm, who gives a fuck ???? LOL just kiddin

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 8 2006, 04:20 PM

Some things man was just not meant to know

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 8 2006, 04:21 PM

Posted by: Bobaloo Dec 8 2006, 07:13 PM

I just say three-dub dot. I totally came up with that and if it perpetuates I want full credit. We can then refer to www as bobaloo's three-dub. But I'm sure by the time my ingenious reaches the ends of the world, the Internet will be on to bigger and better things and we'll have the Universe Wide Lattice or something like that.

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 8 2006, 08:45 PM

Who even says www now when quoting the address of a site?

If I'm telling someone about this site, I'd say go check out ratemymelons.com

Surely everyone knows now you put 3 w's beforehand?

Posted by: closeup Dec 9 2006, 12:26 AM

If you use Google as your home page, all you'd need is" ratemymelons". Then click 'I'm feeling lucky'. it'll get you right where you need to go. It's that way with almost every website.

Posted by: Bobaloo Dec 9 2006, 12:34 PM

My homepage is about:blank I don't have time for a homepage site to load up every time I open my browser. I usually just type the first few letters of the site I need to go to and then scroll down to the cache or I drag a link into the window. Sometimes I have to suffer and type in the whole address, but I can manage it if I've had my coffee.

And by coffee, I mean beer.

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 11 2006, 12:31 AM

And by Beer he means Wiskey

My homepage is Google.... just cause it is.

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 11 2006, 07:55 AM

outstanding

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 11 2006, 12:20 PM

another insightful post

Posted by: Bobaloo Dec 11 2006, 05:02 PM

and yet another one.

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 11 2006, 05:09 PM

it's my schtick!

Posted by: Christof Dec 11 2006, 05:12 PM

I work in tech support, and seriously, you would be amazed by the majority of people that dont.

And it makes me sad that people who dont know such basic basic things want me to help them build a high end 2 grand gaming PC. By phone. I need a new job.

also just type in the address bar ratemymelons and hit ctrl+enter saves googles im feeling lucky thingy

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 12 2006, 12:21 AM

that makes almost 2000 for him!!

and 9000 for me



If all esle fails throw it in your Favourites...

and if u cant remember the addy by now you've got probs haha

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 12 2006, 07:40 AM

I learned from the best how to raise my total

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 12 2006, 05:17 PM

pointless posts...???

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 12 2006, 05:18 PM

Pointless posts?

Posted by: evade20 Dec 12 2006, 07:00 PM

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 12 2006, 07:01 PM

yeah thats it

Posted by: Bobaloo Dec 12 2006, 07:48 PM

Pointless posts are overrated. that's why I made sure this one isn't pointless

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 13 2006, 12:22 AM

you learn quickly my sons

Posted by: RackRaider Dec 13 2006, 01:04 AM

A few from:

THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
by
AMBROSE BIERCE


BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND.

CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to
call theirs, and keep.

If you want to see more here is the link:
http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext97/dvldc10.txt

Posted by: ddd35 Dec 13 2006, 07:19 AM

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 13 2006, 11:40 AM

those are good...and a swift departure from the usual urban dictionary definitions

Posted by: UncleBuck Dec 13 2006, 11:56 AM

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 13 2006, 11:56 PM

Bring back the Urban Dictionary!

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 14 2006, 02:06 AM

yoink:
the legal way to steal. Only requires that you say the word "Yoink" and then take desired object.

"Hey, that's a nice bottle of rum you've got there... 'YOINK!'"

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 14 2006, 06:22 AM

Homer does it all the time!

Posted by: evade20 Dec 14 2006, 08:50 AM

The only real truth!

Posted by: Gnappster Dec 14 2006, 12:10 PM

Homer: Lenny, without the dental plan, you wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth.
*Lenny smiles*
Guy with no name: YOINK!

Posted by: bondiguy Dec 14 2006, 11:07 PM

Im trying to think of a scene off the top of my head.... I know there are many!

When Homer joins the NRA, Marge leaves him because he won't give up his gun! Snake holds up that Hotel and when he is surrounded by other NRA members, Marge and Homer argue and he steals the envelope with the money... "yoink"

Posted by: UncleBuck Dec 31 2006, 03:35 PM

"Honestly...it is not my favorite thing to do but i will work at it and do the best i can to be as dirty and gratifying as possible. That's how i roll. LOL ".....""Hott1976""

Posted by: evade20 Dec 31 2006, 05:21 PM

Posted by: evade20 Dec 31 2006, 05:23 PM

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 2 2007, 11:58 PM

"I'm never drinking again" - Bondiguy, January 1st, 2007 1:30pm

"Has anyone got a bottle opener? - Bondiguy, January 1st, 2007 5pm

Posted by: buxombbwuk Jan 4 2007, 05:34 AM

My thought for the day is this......

Don't waste money on expensive binoculars, simply stand closer to the object you wish to look at!

Posted by: ddd35 Jan 4 2007, 04:39 PM

its good thought

Posted by: natalie Jan 6 2007, 02:54 PM

If you spend time judging people you leave no time to love them.



(or something close to that)


-mother Theresa

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 7 2007, 11:28 PM

I never thought I'd see Mother Theresa on these boards

Posted by: evade20 Jan 7 2007, 11:53 PM

Posted by: Seymour Jan 8 2007, 03:39 PM

"Plutoed" was chosen 2006's Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society at its annual meeting Friday.

To "pluto" is "to demote or devalue someone or something," much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto didn't meet its definition of a planet.

Posted by: RackRaider Jan 8 2007, 08:13 PM

Yes,'plutoed'...
Much like the IAU themselves; in the minds of people- across the entire face of the planet!, after coming to that conclusion.

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 8 2007, 10:40 PM

Worst word ever!

Posted by: Gnappster Jan 9 2007, 11:45 AM

haha, it's funny cuz it's true!


cuz the girl I'm spying on might catch on.







How did she rate on the main page?

(I'm going to hell for that bit)

Posted by: closeup Jan 9 2007, 03:25 PM

Should probably be in the "Jokes" thread, but here it is anyway:

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God. "I could eat," she replied. So, God opened a can of tuna, unwrapped a loaf of rye bread, and they began to share it. While eating the humble tuna sandwich, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasant and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day, God invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey and apple pie. Still, she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven, all I get is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the other place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it."

God sighed: "Let's be honest, Teresa. For two people, it just doesn't pay to cook."

Posted by: Bobaloo Jan 9 2007, 11:47 PM

I gave her a 10, but then again, I am a necropheliac

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 10 2007, 02:17 AM

It really was true
Her boobs are saggy, i gave her a 3



We have hit a new low

Posted by: Gnappster Jan 10 2007, 11:47 AM

Just when I thought we were at the bottom rung.

Posted by: Bobaloo Jan 10 2007, 12:40 PM

you forgot about the rungs below the surface, that's where I lurk

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 11 2007, 12:20 AM

Touche, I never thought we'd hit Necrophelia but here we are

Posted by: closeup Jan 20 2007, 06:44 PM

If your dog told you he could make you a millionaire, he'd be right.

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 20 2007, 09:48 PM

Pass the blunt please dude

Posted by: evade20 Jan 22 2007, 08:40 AM

Thoughts for 2007

Written by Dorothy Cole ( http://www.militantplatypus.com/blog/ )

#10 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use
the Internet, and he won’t bother you for weeks.

#6 Some people are like a Slinky ….. not really good for anything, but
you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

#2 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE #1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven’t got a clue as
to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of
immigration.

Posted by: Gnappster Jan 22 2007, 02:09 PM

haha, that is one smart woman....and she must smoke A LOT of dope.

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 22 2007, 11:00 PM

And how!

I kind of had Paul Schaffer jingle music in the background after I read #1

Posted by: nybandit Jan 22 2007, 11:08 PM

A word from my mentor about relationships.....

"Bandit.....remember when you think about doing something stupid......"The fucking you get, ain't WORTH the fucking your gonna get"

Damn was he a smart man.....lol

Posted by: bondiguy Jan 23 2007, 12:27 AM

Something to say when you are out with your mates and you spot an ugly chick.

"Mate, I wouldn't fuck her with your dick and that bloke pushing!"

Posted by: ddd35 Jan 25 2007, 12:28 PM

Thought for the day .


IF eating natural foods is so good for us then why evrytime I pick up a newspaper and read the Obituary's it says they died of NATURAL CAUSES ?????

Posted by: ddd35 Jan 25 2007, 12:29 PM

thought for tommorrow



DONT TAKE LIFE TO SERIOUS NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY ..

Posted by: belgian_french_frie Jan 29 2007, 05:10 AM

what about, if working was good, why did the rich leave it up to the poor?

Posted by: ddd35 Jan 29 2007, 04:29 PM

good question ?

Posted by: evade20 Feb 4 2007, 10:58 AM

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

http://quotes4all.net/quotations/elbert%20hubbard/quotes.html

Posted by: NakedGirlLover Feb 18 2007, 09:57 PM

If Mary rode all the way to Bethlehem on her ass, wouldn't she have got gravel rash?

Posted by: NakedGirlLover Feb 18 2007, 09:59 PM

The Danes are the smartest people in the world.

Their words for marriage and poison are the same.