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Posted by: ddd35 Jul 14 2007, 03:22 PM

okay now I searched and didnt find this topic , if its here then Im sorry..


Okay Yesterday I was driving along about 60 MPH and this young guy pulls out in front of me , and he just putts along about 40 MPH , well its in a no passing zone in a hilly section of road and I was in a hurry ,, when we finally got to wear i could pass the SOB sped up to 60 just pissed me off , luckily for him I had someplace to be or I would have followed the asshole to his location and had words with him ...

Posted by: kailogan Jul 14 2007, 09:03 PM

yer we get it quite alot even more so cause our car is modified when were just doing the usual dayly things they cathc the moment over take and try to be along side of us at the lights only to get there ass's whooped.great thread as every1 encounter's this during some point.x

Posted by: foghorn Jul 15 2007, 12:24 AM

i find it best if you don't try to control it. i drive with a baton and a .45. when someone pisses me off, i shoot or beat the hell out of him or her.

Posted by: aimee2 Jul 15 2007, 12:52 AM

You should have did what Jeff Gordon would have done...Put him in the pickers!

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 16 2007, 01:15 AM

okay now I searched and didnt find this topic , if its here then Im sorry..
Okay  Yesterday I was driving  along about 60 MPH  and this  young  guy pulls out in front of me , and he just putts along about  40 MPH , well its in a  no passing zone in a hilly section of road and I was in a hurry  ,,  when we finally got to wear i could pass  the SOB  sped up to 60  just pissed me off , luckily  for him I had someplace  to be or I would have  followed the asshole to his location and had words with him  ...   

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 16 2007, 08:14 AM

Nothing infuriates me more than the situation you just described!

Being a salesmen I am on the road quite a bit and come across all sorts of retards on the road. The other thing that gets my goat is in a multi lane road vehicles are required by law to stay to the left hand lane/s if not over taking (Where speed limit is 80km or more and remember, we drive on the left). So many people sit in the right hand lane doing 10 or 15 under the speed limit whilst there is not a car in sight in the left hand lane. Here I am with my cruise control on and I have to duck and weave the traffic!

Posted by: Gnappster Jul 16 2007, 11:17 AM

morons driving drives me nuts. I don't even want to get started on this cuz I would be here all day, choking on my own rage.

Posted by: closeup Jul 16 2007, 01:49 PM

Try driving a moving van thru New York City. Everyone is just so friendly and accommodating when you're trying trying to find an address or need to stop traffic to back the van into a tight driveway. I hardly let it get to me any more because I'd end up pissed off half my working life. Then, add in the fact that I drive a motorcycle and have to play "dodge the assholes", "watch out for grampa" and "put down that cell-phone and pay attention, you fucking moron" Three of my favorite games .

Posted by: evade20 Jul 16 2007, 05:57 PM

okay now I searched and didnt find this topic , if its here then Im sorry..

Try driving a moving van thru New York City. Everyone is just so friendly and accommodating when you're trying trying to find an address or need to stop traffic to back the van into a tight driveway.  .

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 17 2007, 12:13 AM

morons driving drives me nuts. I don't even want to get started on this cuz I would be here all day, choking on my own rage.

Posted by: Gnappster Jul 17 2007, 12:50 AM

drives you nuts huh? 

Also, spotted

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 17 2007, 01:15 AM

oooh, he's good!

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 17 2007, 10:49 AM

well yesterday I was th victim of another persons road rage , I as most you know am a farmer , I was mowing road banks with a large orange tractor and Batwing mower which is a 15' mower for those that dont know and I was mowing along and all of the sudden I realize theres a grey car beside me and theguy has his window down and hes flipping me off , well I looked at him and laughed and the guy shook his finger at me so I gave him the hulk hogan wave , COMe here ya mother fucker , and low and behold he rolled his window up and drove on , I have no idea who it was or why he was flipping me off ..but he sure didnt want to come out and play ...

Posted by: Gnappster Jul 17 2007, 11:25 AM

well yesterday  I was th victim of another persons road rage  , I  as most you know am a farmer  , I was mowing  road banks  with a  large orange tractor and  Batwing  mower which is a 15' mower for those that dont know  and  I was mowing along and all of the sudden  I realize theres a grey car beside me and theguy has his window down and hes flipping me off  ,  well I looked at him and laughed  and the guy shook his finger at me  so I gave him the hulk hogan  wave , COMe here ya mother fucker  , and low and behold he  rolled his window up and drove on ,  I have no idea who it was  or why he was flipping me off  ..but he sure didnt want to come out and play  ... 

Posted by: Macdonald Jul 17 2007, 07:00 PM

I'd have to say my top two pet peeves while driving are:

1. when people pull out of a parking lot into your lane in front of you when there are no other cars behind you, just makes you ask why couldn't they wait the extra like 10 seconds

2. when people cannot pick a speed on a highway, makes me want cruise control too, but when the range from going 80 km/h then all of the sudden they'll be up to 110 km/h then back to 90, then up to 120 etc, just pick a speed already

Posted by: closeup Jul 17 2007, 07:29 PM

well yesterday  I was th victim of another persons road rage  , I  as most you know am a farmer  , I was mowing  road banks  with a  large orange tractor and  Batwing  mower which is a 15' mower for those that dont know  and  I was mowing along and all of the sudden  I realize theres a grey car beside me and theguy has his window down and hes flipping me off  ,  well I looked at him and laughed  and the guy shook his finger at me  so I gave him the hulk hogan  wave , COMe here ya mother fucker  , and low and behold he  rolled his window up and drove on ,  I have no idea who it was  or why he was flipping me off  ..but he sure didnt want to come out and play  ... 

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 18 2007, 12:15 AM

probably someone from rmm 

I'd have to say my top two pet peeves while driving are:

1. when people pull out of a parking lot into your lane in front of you when there are no other cars behind you, just makes you ask why couldn't they wait the extra like 10 seconds

Posted by: Gnappster Jul 18 2007, 12:49 PM

I'd have to say my top two pet peeves while driving are:

1. when people pull out of a parking lot into your lane in front of you when there are no other cars behind you, just makes you ask why couldn't they wait the extra like 10 seconds

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 18 2007, 01:03 PM

I'd have to say my top two pet peeves while driving are:

1. when people pull out of a parking lot into your lane in front of you when there are no other cars behind you, just makes you ask why couldn't they wait the extra like 10 seconds

2. when people cannot pick a speed on a highway, makes me want cruise control too, but when the range from going 80 km/h then all of the sudden they'll be up to 110 km/h then back to 90, then up to 120 etc, just pick a speed already 

Maybe because you were going 5 mph and/or blocking his lane with your tractor?

Posted by: closeup Jul 18 2007, 02:50 PM

MAc   I hate that to  ,

Close up you may be right  , but I think had more to do with the fact i have learned that it was a irate parent  pertaining  to school functions and they just realized it was me    ....

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 19 2007, 12:07 AM

So what you're saying is the townsfolk could be throwing you the finger for any number of reasons?

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 20 2007, 02:12 PM

So what you're saying is the townsfolk could be throwing you the finger for any number of reasons?

Posted by: Gnappster Jul 20 2007, 03:46 PM

well yeah  in a newly conslidated distrcit we have made several enemys along way  , you know these parents these  days they all think there kids are intitled  to more then they are  .. 

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 20 2007, 04:51 PM

it's ironic that a member of the school board can't spell entitle or use the proper form of their or than

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 20 2007, 05:11 PM

it's ironic that a member of the school board can't spell entitle or use the proper form of their or than

Ahhhh the ironing is beautiful isn't it?

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 20 2007, 05:14 PM

I aint even going to go there   

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 22 2007, 10:33 AM

well we just completed a week of figure 8 demo racing , 4 firsts , 3 broken axles , 1 blown tranmission , and some pissed off drivers , you talk about road rage , try doing it with people that have cars that are built like tanks and you knocked them out of the race the night before , it doesnt matter how much beer ya drink it still hurts in the morning ...

Posted by: bondiguy Jul 22 2007, 06:08 PM

well we just completed  a week  of  figure 8  demo racing  ,   4 firsts ,  3 broken axles , 1 blown tranmission , and some pissed off drivers ,  you talk about road rage , try doing it with  people that have cars that are built like tanks  and you  knocked them out of the race the night before  , it doesnt matter how much beer ya drink  it still hurts in the morning  ... 

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 23 2007, 09:17 AM

You're not drinking enough!

Posted by: belicked6924 Jul 24 2007, 04:03 AM

yeah I know !!!

Posted by: ddd35 Jul 24 2007, 08:54 AM

And you call yourself a redneck?

Posted by: jdoggy Jul 27 2007, 01:32 AM

I try to just brush them off as a worthless asshole and show that they aren't effecting me at all. Those are the people that make the driving fatalities statistic so high and I don't want to be one of those numbers.

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 2 2007, 01:12 PM

I try to just brush them off as a worthless asshole and show that they aren't effecting me at all.  Those are the people that make the driving fatalities statistic so high and I don't want to be one of those numbers.

Posted by: baby21 Aug 5 2007, 07:22 PM

I like rubbing it in when people are assholes.... a nice honk and a wave usually embarasses the shit out of people. When I get tailed (for no apparent reason, mind you) I've been known to have a little fun .

that said... I think I hold the record for being flipped off by the most people at the same time... but that's a story for another time.

Posted by: phoenix Aug 6 2007, 11:42 AM

I like rubbing it in when people are assholes.... a nice honk and a wave usually embarasses the shit out of people. When I get tailed (for no apparent reason, mind you) I've been known to have a little fun .

that said... I think I hold the record for being flipped off by the most people at the same time... but that's a story for another time.

Posted by: bondiguy Aug 7 2007, 12:38 AM

I like rubbing it in when people are assholes.... a nice honk and a wave usually embarasses the shit out of people. When I get tailed (for no apparent reason, mind you) I've been known to have a little fun .

that said... I think I hold the record for being flipped off by the most people at the same time... but that's a story for another time.

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 7 2007, 08:58 AM

I like the term "flipped off" haha

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 11 2007, 01:24 PM

I like rubbing it in when people are assholes.... a nice honk and a wave usually embarasses the shit out of people. When I get tailed (for no apparent reason, mind you) I've been known to have a little fun .

that said... I think I hold the record for being flipped off by the most people at the same time... but that's a story for another time.

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 11 2007, 03:45 PM

Trust me.  If when people are tailing you... there's a reason.  They just want another look.

Posted by: bondiguy Aug 13 2007, 12:53 AM

damn I never thought of that  ..

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 13 2007, 08:22 AM

I am neither shocked or surprised

Posted by: phoenix Aug 13 2007, 02:24 PM

I didnt think you would be

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 14 2007, 10:34 AM

Well, true to form!

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 15 2007, 02:04 PM

You know, when I'm driving, I often catch people picking their nose. I mean, A LOT. I don't know why I'm victim to having to see people scratch their itchy brains all the time, but it happens. I like to try to get their attention and give them a thumbs up or wave. If their window is open and I'm close enough... or if I meet them at a stoplight, I'll tell them to "pick me a winner, Bobby," a la The Natural with Robert Redford.

Posted by: UncleBuck Aug 15 2007, 02:12 PM

You know, when I'm driving, I often catch people picking their nose.  I mean, A LOT.  I don't know why I'm victim to having to see people scratch their itchy brains all the time, but it happens.  I like to try to get their attention and give them a thumbs up or wave.  If their window is open and I'm close enough... or if I meet them at a stoplight, I'll tell them to "pick me a winner, Bobby," a la The Natural with Robert Redford.

Posted by: Bobaloo Aug 15 2007, 02:14 PM

thats when I usaully do my best thinking , till someone interupts me!

Posted by: ddd35 Aug 17 2007, 01:48 PM

thats when I usaully do my best thinking , till someone interupts me!

Posted by: baby21 Sep 23 2007, 04:11 PM

Ok... so this happened about two weeks ago, and I just now thought about how it would be approriate here.

I had this guy honk at me, the light had just turned green and I was slowly going forward because the guy in front of me was doing the same. I guess we weren't moving fast enough for this asshole. I'm in the car with my boyfriend, and our two friends were in the back seat. My boyfriend and I decide to flip the guy off... I flipped him off once and my boyfriend did a whole middle finger dance... I'd guess that this last for at least 3-4 blocks. So the guys decides to tail us and the first chance I get I break pretty hard at a stop sign... nothing rediculous though considering I did have to stop. The guy proceeds to get out of his car he slams his fist into the hood of his car and walks towards my driver's side door. I'm not waiting around to see what he's going to do, so I floor it and turn into the first neighborhood. My friends are all having a good laugh until we see that Mr. Crazy is now following us. We're driving through a residential neighborhood through school zones going about 50mph... I'm running stop signs because I'm afraid Mr. Crazy is going to run into the back of my car. The guys is following us, motioning for us to pull over while flipping us off. The guy totally looks like white trash too. He looks like the motorcycle gang type and is driving a giant Ford Bronco. After this has gone on for quite some time, I pick up my phone and dial 911... he finally turns around and needless to say my friends and I were pretty scared shitless... seriously, who does that!?


And that my friends, is how NOT to handle your road rage.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 24 2007, 01:08 AM

Ok... so this happened about two weeks ago, and I just now thought about how it would be approriate here.

I had this guy honk at me, the light had just turned green and I was slowly going forward because the guy in front of me was doing the same. I guess we weren't moving fast enough for this asshole. I'm in the car with my boyfriend, and our two friends were in the back seat. My boyfriend and I decide to flip the guy off... I flipped him off once and my boyfriend did a whole middle finger dance... I'd guess that this last for at least 3-4 blocks. So the guys decides to tail us and the first chance I get I break pretty hard at a stop sign... nothing rediculous though considering I did have to stop. The guy proceeds to get out of his car he slams his fist into the hood of his car and walks towards my driver's side door. I'm not waiting around to see what he's going to do, so I floor it and turn into the first neighborhood. My friends are all having a good laugh until we see that Mr. Crazy is now following us. We're driving through a residential neighborhood through school zones going about 50mph... I'm running stop signs because I'm afraid Mr. Crazy is going to run into the back of my car. The guys is following us, motioning for us to pull over while flipping us off. The guy totally looks like white trash too. He looks like the motorcycle gang type and is driving a giant Ford Bronco. After this has gone on for quite some time, I pick up my phone and dial 911... he finally turns around and needless to say my friends and I were pretty scared shitless... seriously, who does that!?
And that my friends, is how NOT to handle your road rage.

Posted by: baby21 Sep 24 2007, 03:18 PM

Unfortunately crazy mother fuckers like that are becoming an all too common theme in regards to Road Rage

Posted by: penman Sep 24 2007, 05:22 PM

Last year the wife and I were stopped at a red light,when it went green she was a little slow of the mark,the guy in the signwritten van behind couldnt wait and started leaning on his horn,not once but continuously,i was a little pissed at this and gave him a salute,this only got him more worked up and at the next set of lights he got out,came up to the window with his hand in his shirt pretending he had a gun.
I just took a phone picture of him and his van,then rang the police,gave them his van number ,the name of his firm and told them he had a gun,they got very excited about the gun and I bet he was a lot more pissed off when they caught up with him.

Posted by: evade20 Sep 24 2007, 07:46 PM

Last year the wife and I were stopped at a red light,when it went green she was a little slow of the mark,the guy in the signwritten van behind couldnt wait and started leaning on his horn,not once but continuously,i was a little pissed at this and gave him a salute,this only got him more worked up and at the next set of lights he got out,came up to the window with his hand in his shirt pretending he had a gun.
I just took a phone picture of him and his van,then rang the police,gave them his van number ,the name of his firm and told them he had a gun,they got very excited about the gun and I bet he was a lot more pissed off when they caught up with him.

Posted by: closeup Sep 24 2007, 10:11 PM

Ok... so this happened about two weeks ago, and I just now thought about how it would be approriate here.

I had this guy honk at me, the light had just turned green and I was slowly going forward because the guy in front of me was doing the same. I guess we weren't moving fast enough for this asshole. I'm in the car with my boyfriend, and our two friends were in the back seat. My boyfriend and I decide to flip the guy off... I flipped him off once and my boyfriend did a whole middle finger dance... I'd guess that this last for at least 3-4 blocks. So the guys decides to tail us and the first chance I get I break pretty hard at a stop sign... nothing rediculous though considering I did have to stop. The guy proceeds to get out of his car he slams his fist into the hood of his car and walks towards my driver's side door. I'm not waiting around to see what he's going to do, so I floor it and turn into the first neighborhood. My friends are all having a good laugh until we see that Mr. Crazy is now following us. We're driving through a residential neighborhood through school zones going about 50mph... I'm running stop signs because I'm afraid Mr. Crazy is going to run into the back of my car. The guys is following us, motioning for us to pull over while flipping us off. The guy totally looks like white trash too. He looks like the motorcycle gang type and is driving a giant Ford Bronco. After this has gone on for quite some time, I pick up my phone and dial 911... he finally turns around and needless to say my friends and I were pretty scared shitless... seriously, who does that!?
And that my friends, is how NOT to handle your road rage.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 25 2007, 07:45 AM

  yeeah... it used to be fun to mess around with people and not worry about getting chased and or shot

Posted by: baby21 Sep 26 2007, 03:40 AM

Thats why I dont let shit get 2 me on the road anymore, I dont wanna get shot!

Posted by: baby21 Sep 26 2007, 03:41 AM

Last year the wife and I were stopped at a red light,when it went green she was a little slow of the mark,the guy in the signwritten van behind couldnt wait and started leaning on his horn,not once but continuously,i was a little pissed at this and gave him a salute,this only got him more worked up and at the next set of lights he got out,came up to the window with his hand in his shirt pretending he had a gun.
I just took a phone picture of him and his van,then rang the police,gave them his van number ,the name of his firm and told them he had a gun,they got very excited about the gun and I bet he was a lot more pissed off when they caught up with him.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 26 2007, 02:41 PM

Yeah... I actually had a girl at work tell me she had two guys in a car chase her when she was driving alone, and they followed her all the way to the police station... some people are real creeps.

Posted by: baby21 Sep 26 2007, 03:42 PM

That's the best thing you can do, is just let them follow you to the police station... especially if you're a girl who's all alone. There's some fucked up people out there

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 26 2007, 10:55 PM

  Stupid creepers... ruining stuff for the rest of us.

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 27 2007, 01:03 AM

Yeah... I actually had a girl at work tell me she had two guys in a car chase her when she was driving alone, and they followed her all the way to the police station... some people are real creeps.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 27 2007, 11:24 AM

I didn't do it

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 27 2007, 11:45 PM

Oooh, that gives me a great idea for a song.

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 28 2007, 01:55 PM

And a bunch of cheesy merchandise?

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 28 2007, 10:15 PM

And a biography

Posted by: Bobaloo Sep 29 2007, 08:54 AM

I read it, it's not even about you

Posted by: bondiguy Sep 30 2007, 12:33 AM

Sure it is.  Look at the cover.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 1 2007, 02:59 PM

The last 3 chapters are about Gnappster

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 2 2007, 01:31 AM

You have left me with nothing but:

Oh, that Gnappster.  he ws just poured into that uniform.

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 2 2007, 12:04 PM

Ok Im done

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 3 2007, 06:46 AM

haha.  Reminded me immediately of:

All right, you poindexters, let's get this right!
One: "Hey, hey, kids, I'm Talking Krusty."
Two: "Hey, hey, here comes Slideshow Mel" -- again -- "Here comes Sideshow Mel".  "Sideshow Mel".
Three: [does a Krusty laugh]

Budda-bing, budda-boom, I'm done.  Learn from a professional, kid.

(I copied and pasted cuz I'm lazy)

Posted by: Bobaloo Oct 3 2007, 10:23 AM

reminds me of a line I use all the time...

"tell those guys at the Kwik E Mart that Bam, Im a dot, im gone"

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 3 2007, 03:13 PM

that's James Woods.  What a card.  That's a great scene, too!!!  i can't remember any other part of his little speech there, but I remember laughing.  Isn't he working at the kwik e mart for a character study or something?

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 4 2007, 12:46 AM

that's James Woods.  What a card.  That's a great scene, too!!!  i can't remember any other part of his little speech there, but I remember laughing.  Isn't he working at the kwik e mart for a character study or something?

haha, he says something about having to quit and go fight aliens
marge says it sounds like a great movie,
to which woods responds(obviously lying), yes, a -- a movie-- yes..

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 4 2007, 01:47 PM

Another part of that ep I like which gets cut from G rated airings of the show is where he is scrapping the melted cheese off the inside of the microwave and starts cursing (which obviously gets bleeped)

Or when the are interviewing and you see Barney drunk and incoherent and they say, "Well he's the best candidate we've had so far"

"Hand in your pricing gun.... the other one too"

"you've gotta lose yourself in the moment man"

the quotes are endless

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 5 2007, 12:55 AM

indeed!

Apu: Well, time to replenish the hot dog roller.  La, la -- oops
       [drops a hot dog] Oh, no -- it is encrusted with filth.  [blows
       it off] Oh well, let's sell it anyway.  Now this is just between
       me and you...smashed hat.  Hee hee --
Kent: Hot diggety-dog, we've got him, Mr. Simpson.  Now let's -- Mr.
       Simpson?

and

Back at home, Homer lies on the couch while Lisa and he watch "Bite Back with Kent Brockman".  Each word of the title screen appears from the mouth of a
barking dog in a detective uniform.  Even the sponsor's name is barked
out after a man says, "Brought to you by...".  Homer comments with
admiration, "That dog can sell anything."

Just then, Homer's stomach groans.

Homer: Oh, rancid meat attack!  Stupid parasites.  Is there no way I can
       find justice?
Kent: If you have a consumer complaint, just call this number --
Homer: Boring.
Lisa: Dad, you should blow the whistle on the Kwik-E-Mart.
Kent: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.  [dog
       barks repeatedly]
Lisa: Dad, are you listening to me?
Homer: Shh, Lisa: the dog is barking.

Posted by: Gnappster Oct 5 2007, 11:58 AM

crap! missed the end of that.
Apu: Well, time to replenish the hot dog roller. La, la -- oops
[drops a hot dog] Oh, no -- it is encrusted with filth. [blows
it off] Oh well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between
me and you...smashed hat. Hee hee --
Kent: Hot diggety-dog, we've got him, Mr. Simpson. Now let's -- Mr.
Simpson?
Homer: One hot dog please.

and then there's:
Kent: We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized
novelty hat.
[Homer puts it on, and struggles to stand upright]
Now, go get us some incriminating footage, and remember: you have
to get in and out in ten minutes, or you'll suffer permanent neck
damage.
Man: [neck horribly twisted] He's not kidding.

Barney approaches some giant woman-shaped bottles of syrup. "Excuse me,
ma'am," he asks, "Where are the lampshades?" When she doesn't answer,
he rocks the bottle, "Ma'am?" It topples over, spilling syrup out of
her head with a glugging noise. "Oh, I've killed her!" Barney laments,
"It's all happening again!" He runs off crying, straight into a stack
of cranberry juice bottles. They smash to the floor, creating a giant
wave of red. Barney runs away from it as it splashes down the aisle
where Apu and Marge stand. Barney gets swamped, as does another
customer who can't swim. "Help me, help me!" he cries, going under for
the third time, but he reaches out and grabs a floating bottle, and as
he comes up for air, he licks his lips. "Mmm...it's cran-tastic!"


and my favourite:
Comedian: Yo, check this out: black guys drive a car like this.
[Leans back, as though his elbow were on the windowsill]
Do, do, ch. Do-be-do, do-be-do-be-do.
Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this.
[Hunches forward, talks nasally]
Dee-da-dee, a-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee.
[Audience howls with laughter]
Homer: Ah ha ha, it's true, it's true! We're so lame!

Posted by: bondiguy Oct 5 2007, 05:13 PM

crap! missed the end of that.
Apu: Well, time to replenish the hot dog roller.  La, la -- oops
       [drops a hot dog] Oh, no -- it is encrusted with filth.  [blows
       it off] Oh well, let's sell it anyway.  Now this is just between
       me and you...smashed hat.  Hee hee --
Kent: Hot diggety-dog, we've got him, Mr. Simpson.  Now let's -- Mr.
       Simpson?
Homer: One hot dog please.

and then there's:
Kent: We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized
      novelty hat.
       [Homer puts it on, and struggles to stand upright]
      Now, go get us some incriminating footage, and remember: you have
      to get in and out in ten minutes, or you'll suffer permanent neck
      damage.
Man: [neck horribly twisted] He's not kidding.

Barney approaches some giant woman-shaped bottles of syrup.  "Excuse me,
ma'am," he asks, "Where are the lampshades?"  When she doesn't answer,
he rocks the bottle, "Ma'am?"  It topples over, spilling syrup out of
her head with a glugging noise.  "Oh, I've killed her!"  Barney laments,
"It's all happening again!"  He runs off crying, straight into a stack
of cranberry juice bottles.  They smash to the floor, creating a giant
wave of red.  Barney runs away from it as it splashes down the aisle
where Apu and Marge stand.  Barney gets swamped, as does another
customer who can't swim.  "Help me, help me!" he cries, going under for
the third time, but he reaches out and grabs a floating bottle, and as
he comes up for air, he licks his lips.  "Mmm...it's cran-tastic!"
and my favourite:
Comedian: Yo, check this out: black guys drive a car like this.
           [Leans back, as though his elbow were on the windowsill]
          Do, do, ch.  Do-be-do, do-be-do-be-do.
          Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this.
           [Hunches forward, talks nasally]
          Dee-da-dee, a-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee.
           [Audience howls with laughter]
   Homer: Ah ha ha, it's true, it's true!  We're so lame!