[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Things Men Learn From Porn

[hal the broken clown]

Things men learn from watching porn.....

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than
satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't funk unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of poo out of
you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a
woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before funking the
both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him
to remind her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a
man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip

[Gnappster]

It's funny you say that, but Roseanne was the show that started another sitcom phenomenon, that the wives are always smarter than the husbands.

Are you kidding???  You're forgetting about shows like the flinstones and the honeymooners and other similar shows where the men just fly off the handle of rational thought a little too quickly and the women are the voices of reason.  However, Rosanne was one of the first good shows to find and exploit the humor in the dysfunctional yet somehow completely functional family

The first thing I thought of was the Flintstones too. It's pretty prevalent that the husband is the dumb one on sitcoms. Although when both parties are out to lunch, you just may have a classic, ala Married With Children
Damn, I loved that show!

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[Bobaloo]

The first thing I thought of was the Flintstones too. It's pretty prevalent that the husband is the dumb one on sitcoms. Although when both parties are out to lunch, you just may have a classic, ala Married With Children 
Damn, I loved that show!

That is a great show too. I shoulda thunk of that one, but I was trying to think of older stuff. I have two favorites from that show... the one where he's trying to get 1,000,000 miles on the dodge and the one where I think it's labor day and he actually wants to have sex with peg multiple times during the day... it's also the one where the kids go exploring for ashes for the barbecue and end up using cremated remains by mistake. Two classic episodes!!! Actually, I can think of more, but I'll shut up for now.

Well, one more. I like the one where Peg wins the contest and the fitness guy comes over to get her in shape and he actually turns into a slob and dies of a heart attack or something. They end up having to eat health food cuz peg is so nervous. they even end up eating wheat germ (with a hard G sound ). The health guy also totally ignores Kelly, even when she's bending over on the stairs.

so make that three classic episodes that I can think of off the top of my head.

[Gnappster]

That is a great show too.  I shoulda thunk of that one, but I was trying to think of older stuff.   I have two favorites from that show... the one where he's trying to get 1,000,000 miles on the dodge and the one where I think it's labor day and he actually wants to have sex with peg multiple times during the day... it's also the one where the kids go exploring for ashes for the barbecue and end up using cremated remains by mistake.  Two classic episodes!!!  Actually, I can think of more, but I'll shut up for now. 

Well, one more.  I like the one where Peg wins the contest and the fitness guy comes over to get her in shape and he actually turns into a slob and dies of a heart attack or something.  They end up having to eat health food cuz peg is so nervous.  they even end up eating wheat germ (with a hard G sound ).  The health guy also totally ignores Kelly, even when she's bending over on the stairs.

so make that three classic episodes that I can think of off the top of my head.

hahaha, and the night before the camera crew is supposed to come over to record the dodge rolling over to 1,000,000 doesn't it accidentally roll out of the driveway, wrecking it as well as turning the odometer over? That show makes me feel better about my grey little life.

i remember the other two episodes as well. One of my favs is when Bud and Kelly ship Peg and Al off to a time share con, as they won a contest to have a party with Anthrax(the band, not the spores). They get snowed in at the Bundy house and Anthrax doesn't feel like playing. Until they eat Peg's foil mystery pack in the fridge, "If this stuff was in the fridge, why is it hot?" Classics. I have season 1 on DVD at home, I gotta watch a few of those.