[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Because I Am Man...., it's sad, but it's true. :P

[Vlad]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the blazes could he know where we're going anyway?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you cried at the end of it, I didn't

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the new millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the shopping and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

[Avvilimento]

I found a similar one of these things a while ago... made me laugh, so I saved it...



Good To Be A Man


Movie nudity is virtually always female.

Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.

When clicking through TV channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

You can be President.

Flowers fix everything.

You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

The world is your urinal.

One mood, all the time.

You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

Same work... more pay.

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

The remote is yours and yours alone.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.

Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.

Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So... notice anything different?'

All your orgasms are real.



(There's some kinda double-ups there, and some are pretty low brow, but good for a chuckle)

-Jak