[ Outline ] · Standard · Linear+ Scared...to Be Blunt

[Narazbad]

i dont know if this is the right place to put this but i just...its after 5 in the morning, im on an hour of sleep....and i cant do anything but think about this and torture myself with it....so i have to do something to get if off my chest.
i work at a pizza place, which im sure many of you know if youve ever read my posts and everything. well....last night....around 6 30...we got held up. a guy walked in, who was about half my size, pointed a gun at everyone and told them to get on the ground.....then he had our manager open the drawer and pull all the money for him. he walked out with around 450 bucks. my buddy walked in on the middle of it. but im beathing the FUCK out of myself for not doing anything. if i had been where one of the girls was, i could have grabbed a weapon and hit him with it in the head...most likely knocking him out. or if i had been outside where my buddy was, i could have waited for him to leave and attacked him. if i had been where my manager was i could have gotten him when he had me get up to get the money. as it is, he should have already come after me because i had over 200 dollars in my back pockets from delivery money and my wallet. i feel that i should have done something to stop him..i should have charged him or something...chased him when he left.....but i dont know what anymore...i just cant stop playing the whole thing in my head over and over again. i dont know if i should even think about it...i know everyone will tell me i did the right thing by complying to everything he said....but i will never get it out of my head that i should have done something. i feel like a pussy. i was one of the first to get to the ground because i was one of the first to actually realize what was going on...the first thing that went thru my head was "do as he says" but as soon as he left i was thinking why didnt you stop him....you could have stopped him.....im sorry to be bothering you with this drivle and everything..just...i really need to get some advice and everything from my old friends......and i just have to get this out...i cant even sleep rightnow....and i have to be at work again....at 11..............................

[Narazbad]

lol..thanks guys....it means alot that everyone has been here for me. it was a long day today...i worked all day again...as for the taking some time off to relax, im not going to get it. i havent had a full day off in several months so im running around at maximum overload right now. i have been for a very long time honestly and i think that the whole thing yesterday just blew it to hell and back. just the whole damned thing exploded. i know that if i had done anything...or been in any other place or position...that i couldnt have done anything more than what i did..and to have done otherwise would have been stupid and rediculous. i wish i could have a few days off to recover and everything but it wont happen, so im just keeping the moto that i have to just keep pushing on thru it and not let it get to me. the first several hours at work were very hard today because i just kept thinking about it over and over and over again...still...i slept for shit last night because of it. i woke up today and couldnt even move really. but after i talked to more of the people about it...and voiced what i thought..things started getting a little easier. and with my best buddy being back in for a few weeks from germany...thats helping alot too. JR, thanks for the humor man..i needed it alot...it made me smile and almost laugh when i saw that first line. but yeah...thank you for everyone who has been here to help me with it. i know i did the right thing...just...im going to have this with me for a very long time. i can still see his face and hear his voice in my head..and honestly...its really fucking scary. i went on deliveries today clutching my knife half open in my hand in case something went wrong. everywhere i went and every one i saw i was extra attentive to. i was on full guard and i think i will be for a while now. but were doing everything we can to catch the bastard....and if i see him again....im probably going to beat the fuck out of the little bastard. but....we may have a few things to help us find the guy. so...wish us luck...and thank you all again for your support. im sure everyone back at work would be very grateful for all this support as well. we were all scared...but we did the right thing i know. just...i pray it never happens again. i dont know if i could live with myself if i did the same thing twice...especially after swearing to myself that i would never let myself be caught in a position like that again. just...it scares me to think that if he really wanted to he could have killed every one of us just like that......but it didnt happen so im very thankful for that. anyway...ive written enough for now i think...im going to go to bed because i have school in 6 hours. goodnight everyone and again..thank you for the support